Well I know I have been a stranger to DS for a few weeks.  It's been a busy Summer so far.  Bittersweet.  It'll be 2 months on the 4th that she passed away.  Still hard to believe sometimes.  Went with my Dad and Sister to pick her tombstone.  It should be ready by October hopefully.   And then there's Dave - what can I say but "Life is Good".  Actually life has been great.  At times I feel guilty for feeling so happy, but I can't deny it.  I definitely am very happy.  So much has transpired since I last wrote within our relationship.  It's scary, exciting and so many other feelings.  I never knew I could feel 16 again.  Seriously, I feel gitty ok...YES I said gitty! LOL  I hate that word, but it's how I feel.  Definite bounce in the step.  *smiles*  I feel like I've known him in another lifetime.  I don't feel it, I know it....I believe in past lives - and I knew him in another life.  This is going to sound crazy but I had a deja vu flashback type thing (ok how many of you have think i've lost it already lol) the first night we went out.  He left my house and was walking down the stairs, and I almost uttered "I love you" as he was leaving!  Don't ask me why - because at that point - there was no feeling of love, yes I liked him - but it was as if I was reinacting a moment in time.  In a flash I could see him in a soldiers uniform - like civil war times - and as he walked down the steps he turned from half way up and looked up at me and said good bye again - and I had to catch myself from saying it - I turned around walked in the house and smacked myself.  I literally sat there with my back against the door and said are you freakin' nuts?  Where the hell did that come from?  Seriously, it was the most bizarre thing.  I know you think I'm nuts - I know I'm nuts LOL - but seriously it was the strangest "flashback/deja vu" I've ever experienced.  Anyways - if I haven't lost you yet.....I've been working my new job which is going well.  Kids are enjoying the summer.  Even though we haven't gone away for a week - they've been pool hopping and we hit the lake a couple of times.  My son's having a sleepover on Thursday.  Setting up a tent in the back yard.  We'll have a fire, etc.  Should be fun.  Then hopefully if the weather cooperates another day at the lake on Friday.  We're over the hump on the summer season - and I for one wish we could extend it!  Going away with Dave to Rhode Island for a long weekend :) mid August.  I'm soooooo looking foward to getting away with him.  No phones, kids, work, etc.  It'll be so nice.   We get alone time usually on Friday's.  Both of us are without kids - so it works....but wish I could have more!  We see each other during the week, but the kids are around so it's not the same hehe.  We took the kids down for icecream - both sets.  That was the first time we all were together.  It went well.  He's so easy going and relaxed - so opposite of my ex.  Not that I'm trying to compare him to my ex - just that they really are total opposites.  It's very foreign to me.  I love it, but I'm not use to it.  It's funny because both of our ex's are very alike - and Dave and I are alike in alot of ways.  It's a scary and thrilling ride on this part of the rollercoaster of life.  I feel so alive again - having a reason, purpose again.  Anticipation - Looking forward to things again.  It feels like forever since I've felt this way.  I forgot it existed.  I guess this feeling is love - and honestly - it fucking scares me!  I love it - but sometimes it seems it would be so much easier to hide the mask - in my shell - where it's safe and nothing can hurt me.   But, he is an amazing and honest person.  He's a boy scout leader ok! LOL  He makes me feel really good inside - and want to spend as much time as I can with him.  He's on vacation at the beach with his kids this week.  They left this morning.  They'll be back Saturday morning.  I miss him already.  The gestures that he's done *sighs*  He's such a great guy.   He's just so thoughtful and considerate and kind and ugh ok I'll stop LOL  Just like I said....Life is Good and it feels good to feel good.  I hope I'm not being obnoxious with my happiness.  I just can't help myself.  There are days I just want to shout out to the world that life is good.  I mean sure...my life is so far from perfect - trust me....i'm struggling to raise my kids, make sure we have a roof over our head, etc., but not doing it alone- I'm not talking financially speaking - I'm talking about someone there for you mentally, emotionally.  Who you can share things with, bounce things off, etc.  Who you can say "Honey....how was your day?" to....blah I know I'm corny, I admit it, but it feels so good to be able to share life with someone.Well, I hope each and everyone of you is enjoying the summer.  Thanks for your hugs, you guys are awesome!  xoxo