I'm sitting here tonight.  The house is quiet.  I'm taking some "me" time and absorbing everything that's transpired in the last month - and honestly - it blows me away.  I feel as though I've been on the rollercoaster ride of my life.  It feels so good to feel good.  I've conjured up this drive/motivation within me.  One I use to have so many moons ago.  Yet, as much as it feels good, it feels foreign and quite frankly, it frightens me.   Don't get me wrong - I love feeling full of life - it's just that how does one maintain that?  Does that make sense?   I mean how does one keep that feeling alive - keep it flowing from within?  I guess I look at this relationship with Dave.  I feel so alive - it's new - it's exciting - it's fun....how does one keep that going?  I look at people that we know - and most have been married for 20 years and most of them are so unhappy.  It's so sad...it's like where did it die?  How did it die?  What happened to the spark?  Why is that?  Why do we let it fade from our existence?  Are we as humans not meant to "mate for life"?  I'm not saying we should be like rabbits and hump everything in sight LOL....what I mean is does the old cliche of the 'seven year itch' really exist?  Does it mean anything?  But then you do see people who have been married for 50 years that truly do look happy.  But are they really?  Does endless love exist?  Are we capable of that?  Or do we just tolerate/settle/accept and just roll with it?I know, I'm getting deep hehe.  Just this whole newness of a relationship is making my head spin.  It's been 20 years since I've dated, or felt that "newness".  I feel happy.  I miss him when I don't see him.  I think of him and how his day's going.  It's weird.  I don't know if any of this makes any sense.  Sometimes I think too much and dwell and overanalyze....just my nature.  I guess it just with the many other unknowns out there.  Anyways....Tomorrow is beach day for me and the kids.  They're each bringing a friend.  I'm sure they'll have a blast.  Wish I had a friend going hehe....it'll be fun....I love watching them interact with their friends.....and my daughter won't mind hanging out and building sand castles and stuff...but my son will just want to hang out with his friend.  It's hard "letting go".  Funny, I was talking with D tonight, and his daughter is 16 1/2 going for her driver's license on the 29th.  She is a high honor student, very bright - enjoys environmental type stuff - but is shy and quiet - and D is sooooo not that.  He likes to be around people and socialize - and he has a hard time grasping that.  I told him I could relate - and that he should be greatful that she still wants to hang out at home - and she's not out God knows where (geesh that sounds so old LOL).  I told him that she needs to get a part time job and maybe that will help her get out and socialize.  He does have a point. I mean, yes, I was very shy (believe it or not :P) in high school.  It wasn't until I got a part time job that I started doing stuff.   BUT I wasn't hanging out with my parents all the time either.  He should be the one saying 'well aren't you going to stay home and hang out with me' instead of the other way around.   I did interact with her a bit - but not since.  The next time I'll see her is at his 4th of July picnic.  Should be interesting.  I'm bringing my kids as well.  The Brady Bunch lol....I'm hoping to somehow "connect" with her at this.  I mean she knows about me.  He's talked to her about me and the whole "dating thing" and she seems ok with it.   When they were at the beach last week she helped him pick out a necklace for me (he is a sweetheart :) ).....Yet I feel sooooo intimidated by her.  I did tell him that.  I've never done this before.  I mean, it's weird.  Not only do you date someone - but pretty much you "date" their kids too.  Just things are going so well between us - I'm afraid she won't like me.  I don't know how to break the ice with her.   He told me that she will hang out for a bit at the party and then probably go to her room and read and listen to music.  I was hoping to maybe somehow help her out of her shell.  I don't know....I just don't want to rock the boat - you know?God I'm rambling - but honestly - it feels good to be able to sit down for a bit and just let it flow.  Well, it's late and this girl's up early tomorrow with 4 kids to hit the beach.....wish me luck! LOL ;)     Love you guys xoxoLisa