I feel like a wired zombie if that makes sense. I'm so tired - yet I can't shut my mind off. I actually worked today - I had an appointment scheduled prior to my mom's passing - and I kept it as planned. It's like I need to keep constantly busy until I just can't keep my eyes open. I wish I could shut my mind off. I feel the anxiety and wish it would stop. It's like I don't have the time to grieve. That I need to stay strong until it's done - because there's so much to do. And someone has to stay strong. My sister's taking it so hard. She's cared for them for 6 years. I worry about her.My brother and his wife flew in from Florida today. My sister flies in from Florida tomorrow. My brother is trying to get the hell out of Europe. He's still stuck there. He was on vacation when he got the news and is trying to get an emergency flight back - and limited flights and documentations from teh funeral home is making it difficult. My other brother in Florida is not coming....I don't have time to delve into the reasons, but let's just say it doesn't surprise me. I'm just so stressed out about everything....I have such a dysfunctional family. Two of my brothers and it appears there may be a third one on his way...are alcholics. One of my brothers will have to be half shitfaced to go through the wake. And I don't get along with him at all. We related by blood but we'll just say there's bad blood there because of his behavior. It's like it's the only way he can get emotional is to drink. Yes, I understand it's a disease. My dad is an alcoholic - but hasn't drank in close to 10 years due to his meds and the fact he lives with my sister and has no way of getting it! It's just going to be so tense. It already is and Friday isn't even here yet!I have to go dig some pictures out for the collage we're putting together tomorrow. Thanks for listening and thanks for being there...it really means alot xoxo
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hang in there lisa, i will be praying for ya
In a couple of days you\'ll have the time you need to rest and feel
Perhaps then you can take a day or two off just for you
You have been a pilar of salt and this was such a shock
You remain in my Prayers and thoughts
Bless You My Friend
Love Jan
This week will be a blur of activity and feelings. You\'re probably going to feel zombie-like for at least a week after all is said and done. Hang in there hun. Once you have a few days to yourself, then you can concentrate on you. This is a very emotionally draining time for you and I\'m so proud of you for keeping your head above water.
When you find yourself lost in your thoughts, remember that we are all here for you and sending extra strength your way.
Much love to you today and every day.
Jill
xoxo
Maybe, before friday, you can take just thirty minuets, for some you time. Find a place where you can be alone and feel comfortable. Everyone, if they don\'t already, should have a place like that. I find that is what i feel my whole home is. Anyway, just go and be comfortable and let all the thoughts in your mind be. No matter what pops into your head, just observe it and not judge it. Don\'t add anything to these thoughts and just let them flow. You may find such peace in this. But don\'t do anything but just be. You are allowed to think and feel anything as long as you run with none of it. I hope this makes sense to you and you find the time to try it. If you do this repeatedly, you may actually find that place where your mind does stop all it\'s running. I wish you peace in this time of tumult and I think you are already doing a tremendous job! Take care, love - John
Hi Lisa. Im so sorry you are going through this. It may feel to you like you cant or dont feel right now. Because you are doing so much, and remaining so busy. But don\'t feel guilt for that. Thats how Chelseas wake and funeral were. But when it\'s over, and everyones gone home, and things are quiet and back to what may never be normal to you again having lost mom, then you will over feel. So try to allow yourself to just feel and be whatever comes to you as it comes. Remember, Im not too too far away. If you ever need anything, PLEASE let me know. I love u, Nichole
You and your family are in my prayers. I\'m sorry that you have so much to deal with right now. Just take one thing at a time, I know it sounds stupid but we tend to forget in our quest to be superwoman. God bless, Kim