I'm having a major dose of anxiety/stress right now. I picked up the kids from their Dad. Met at a McDonald's parking lot half way for both of us - and I was so happy to see them. I missed them. My daughter had separation anxiety I guess is what you'd call it. Crying for Dad and how she missed him. I sat and tried to console her and she wouldn't stop crying. Finally, I had to buckle her in and just go listening to her cry asking why me and daddy can't live together. I'm emotionally drained. I feel awful, horrible that I can't give her what she wants. Because I wanted to take the mask off and stop pretending, I'm hurting my kids. OMG I will never forget that drive home as long as I live. It was so heartwrenching and overwhelming - I didn't know how to handle it. I feel like shit that I can't make them happy - I feel totally selfish - because I wasn't happy in the marriage. I mean we split up 3 times - we were married for 17 years - and nothing changed...we grew apart...so I feel the pressure - that I should have kept pretending for the sake of my kids. *sighs* She's better now - but I'm sure she's overtired and wound up - they had picnics to go to all weekend - so I'm sure she didn't get enough sleep and too much sugar on top of it....I feel overwhelmed with so many different emotions/feelings. Earlier I was feeling good about the weekend - and now I feel so guilty for feeling that - because my daughter's hurting. *sighs* Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.
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Hun, I know your hurting. I went through this as well. You have to try not to put this whole situation on your shoulders. It hurts now because the kids are young. Mine were 10, and 8. They are going to have a hard time with this of course, they are children, and thier parents are split up. But, in the end its actually better for them. I don\'t know how bad your marriage got, but when kids grow up seeing parents fight and argue, it teaches them that its ok and normal. Thats all they know. They are too young too realize why thier parents can\'t just stay together, and they won\'t until they mature, and find out for themselves. All you can do is give unconditional love, lots of reassuring hugs, and be there for them. The pain is still raw for them too. Its ok to cry together as well. I did it with mine, and it helped let them know they weren\'t alone, and that I wasn\'t the heartless bitch thier father said I was!! LOL
Stay strong girl. Im thinking bout ya
Lots of hugs
Dee
hi im andy and my ex wife does not let me see my young daughters,imagine how that feels count your lucky stars she wont even answer the phone to me gud luck.
I don\'t know if it will make you feel any better... but my parents were married for 16 years- and by the last three years I was just waiting for them to tell me they were getting a divorce- I expected it, waited for it- thought I was prepared for it- but it still hurt so much. There is always going to be times that are harder than others- but I knew it was for the best that my parents weren\'t together, and in time I\'m sure your children will learn that as well. That is one of the big problems I have with the stereotype of the 30\'s, 40\'s, 50\'s- because I can only imagine how many mother\'s must have been in a tough spot to pretend that life was alright- and Even though as a mother your kids come first- Your own emotional wellbeing HAS to be considered and taken care of!
Hi Lisa. Im sorry this is happening to you. You really had a good weekend and deserved to. The first thing I can tell you, is if and when you are happy, your kids will be too. If you continue to struggle unhappily, and unfulfilled, your children will know that and be affected by it negatively. My boys are older than my girls. So when Scott and I were fighting and arguing all the time, and both miserable, my boys begged us to break up. They were tired of the unhappiness and yelling. (Not to say u were yelling, but you werent happy). My girls were sad that we broke up when we did. I sat them down and explained to them that me and dad had been together for a long time, and we werent getting along good enough to stay living together anymore. I told them that it wasnt their fault, it was ours. I explained that once we were apart, and lived seperately, we would both be happier, and there would be no more fighting. And that they would be able to have two homes, and when they were with daddy they would get all his attention and do things with him. Then when they are home with me, we would be together to do things, and no unhappiness for anyone. They really saw that it worked out better. They adjusted and became happy about having 2 places and getting dads attention, cuz when he lived here he really didnt do a whole lot one on one with the kids. You can not live your adult life for the kids, OR feel bad about finding some of your own happiness, because they are having some sad times. As long as your kids have love and happiness with and from both parents, they will end up healthier for it in the long run. Just try to be open and honest with them, at their age level, and dont show your feelings whild doing it. They trust you. They love you. They will be ok. And eventually, when you do end up with someone, that will be a bonus for them. They will have two exciting worlds. I hope I made sense. It all boils down to HOW you are, and they will mirror that. So hang on to your happy weekend, and joy you have felt up until she cried. because that happiness and joy will be shared by her soon enough. If you are confused, regretful, unsure, sad, then she will mirror that as well. Im very sorry u r having to deal with this, but it is a natural part of divorce, and the kids will be ok in the end. I love u. Hang on!
Ultimately you have to remember that if you aren\'t happy, you can\'t make the kids happy. I applaud you for realizing that and making the change. Just give them time to see the big picture, that mommy is finally happy and as a result things in our lives are going very well. Maybe try to find a person or website that they can talk about what their going through with other kids in the same situation (just like this site). And to be honest with you it sounds to me like her crying had more to do with sleep deprivation than anything you did. I\'m sure things will look better in the morning. Just keep doing what you\'re doing and keep the lines of communication open and honest. God bless, Kim