Demons within Us

I sit here and think of myself as a person - and everything I've done in my life to get me to who I've become.

I've been thinking of the last year and all that's transpired in my life. It's truly amazing. It's been such a whirlwind. I took on a new career, ended my marriage, trying to raise to children and be the best I can be for them. Struggling with myself and who I am today. I sat and chatted with a friend today - one of my dearest. We're like sisters - and even though our lives have never run parralel - we have never lost our bond. As we sat and caught up I made the observation about myself that actually made me feel good. I feel that I've grown and learned so much in the last year. I do enjoy being able to do what I want to do - to grow. I was stagnant for so long in my life, and when my marriage ended I was this scared helpless person. I've been told all my life that I'm such a strong person. I don't see it at all. I mean it took me 17 years of marriage to finally have the nerve to let myself be happy again. I sit and try to think when in my lifetime I was TRULY happy - and honestly - I'm not so sure I've ever been. I can say that for the first time I think ever in my life that I feel that I'm starting to get that truly happy feeling within myself. No, my life isn't a perfect scenario by any means. But, for the first time in my life I'm living on my own. I went from my parents to my husband - there was no time for me to grow. I notice that as weeks/months go by - my being is changing. I'm slowly finding courage to live life the way I want to live it - and it feels good. Yes, I'm tied down with responsibilities of life - but I can honestly say that I love being responsible for myself.

Life is a journey - many people cross our paths, some stay others don't - but I believe that with each passing a lesson is learned. It might not be significant at the given moment in time - but somehow it will make sense in the end. Being on DS is an example of just that. I've met some really great people on here - who have been there for me - or who can relate to what I'm going through - and vice versa. Just by being here I've grown in so many ways. And as each day passes I hope I can continue to flourish - and I thank those of you who have helped me along the way. I'm forever greatful.

I can only hope I can continue to feel the way I do at this moment - and only improve from this point forward. Who knows....I still have my demons to contend with - and hopefully someday I can come to terms with things I struggle with from within.