Happiness
Why is it that we have a hard time allowing ourselves to be happy. And when we notice it "creeping in", we try and push it away. You get that overwhelming feeling of "must not get to close" - "must keep shield up". Why is that? Does everyone act like that? Or am I the only one?
I wonder if it's my own defense mechanism, or if we all feel that way. Maybe because it's easier to keep our defenses in place, and there is no room for disappointment.
My "pal" asked me why I was just "ok" when clearly how I was interacting with him was far from "ok". As I had stated, some of us can put up a front, and let the world perceive we're "good", when reality we aren't. If I wore my heart on my sleeve how many people would want to be around me? And yes, I am depressed, and most want to shut the world out, and stay inside the safe shell we create. But, in reality it's a very lonely place. And one I don't enjoy very much.
Sometimes, one has to take a chance, and live "outside the bubble", and take a risk. Risks can be so scarEy, and one can get burned. I guess, it all depends on who/what the risk is, and if it's worth it in the end. He made a very good point - and something I say to others - You can't go through life thinking "what if" all the time. I mean, sure you can, but how fulfilling would it truly be? Sometimes you need to take a chance - and hope that you can overcome the fear. Right now, I feel like I'm willing to take the chance, as scarEy as it might be.
Unfortunately, we don't have a crystal ball and can't know the outcome until we've reached our destination. I guess instead of focusing on the final destination, we need to enjoy the ride along the way.
Why is it that we have a hard time allowing ourselves to be happy. And when we notice it "creeping in", we try and push it away. You get that overwhelming feeling of "must not get to close" - "must keep shield up". Why is that? Does everyone act like that? Or am I the only one?
I wonder if it's my own defense mechanism, or if we all feel that way. Maybe because it's easier to keep our defenses in place, and there is no room for disappointment.
My "pal" asked me why I was just "ok" when clearly how I was interacting with him was far from "ok". As I had stated, some of us can put up a front, and let the world perceive we're "good", when reality we aren't. If I wore my heart on my sleeve how many people would want to be around me? And yes, I am depressed, and most want to shut the world out, and stay inside the safe shell we create. But, in reality it's a very lonely place. And one I don't enjoy very much.
Sometimes, one has to take a chance, and live "outside the bubble", and take a risk. Risks can be so scarEy, and one can get burned. I guess, it all depends on who/what the risk is, and if it's worth it in the end. He made a very good point - and something I say to others - You can't go through life thinking "what if" all the time. I mean, sure you can, but how fulfilling would it truly be? Sometimes you need to take a chance - and hope that you can overcome the fear. Right now, I feel like I'm willing to take the chance, as scarEy as it might be.
Unfortunately, we don't have a crystal ball and can't know the outcome until we've reached our destination. I guess instead of focusing on the final destination, we need to enjoy the ride along the way.
Replies
That\'s right. It would be a shame to miss the dance because you were worried about the ending.
everything negative..and i mean EVERYTHING can be traced back to FEAR..in all it\'s many shapes,sizes and colors. it\'s a trickster, who holds us back from happiness or gain of any sort.
you\'re on the right path.
take care, sweetness xoxo Di
I think people that are depressed get so used to disappointment, that we feel we have no choice but to keep our guard up. I got depressed, I got on meds, I was feeling better. I\'m angry that I initially got on my meds because they let me let my guard down. I met a wonderful man. I got depressed again because the meds stopped working. Now it\'s over and I\'ve probably lost him forever. Big disappointment there. Now I feel like I never want to fall in love again. People say love is worth having, even if it\'s lost. But is it really? Is it worth being depressed over? These are all questions I have to ask myself daily. So, this is why I keep my guard up. This is why I keep myself from being truly happy. I\'m scared to fall in love again, scared to be happy again, and scared to lose it again. So...JaneDoe is right, I think. Fear of getting hurt and the knowledge that you most likely will(since we\'re depressed, we pretty much expect it now that we\'ve been disappointed so often). But this is just my theory. However, to answer your question, I think most depressed people push it away and keep their guard up. Happiness can be very fleeting and leave us hurting even more sometimes.
When things are going well we think \"This is too good to be true\" and wait for the other shoe to drop.
I think your \"PAL\" is a brilliant and amazing friend- a guiding light if you will. But I can relate to what you say- and I\'m envious when I see the journey your about to embark upon.
God Speed, BUddy.
OMG!!!! Did you jump into my head and drain my brainpan?? This is exactly how I feel all the time!! I just want to stay in my \"bubble\" and make the world go away! I know (knowledge) that I need to keep pressing on and be a duck...water off my back...but I get caught up and can\'t focus, I can sit at my office sometimes and feel the tension and anxiety building up with little or no outlet. I have improved over the years, but I still worry way too much. I\'m just not sure how to resolve this. I think I\'ve been in a bit of denial of my problems until very recently. I know I need some help, but just not sure how or where....but WOW!! Did you nail it!!
Wow, there really is somebody out there just like me. I can\'t seem to allow myself to be happy. I love to make other people happy, but somehow I don\'t think I deserve to just be happy. Not with material things, just that inner peace that creeps in once in a great while when I least expect it.. If I could just find it more often and believe I deserve peace, happiness and contentment in my life. Thanks for sharing your story. :)