Ok - I'm forcing myself to do what I need to do. I dread it!!! I hate facing stuff - in this case taxes and getting my car inspected - I cringe having to do it.
I use to be pretty motivated once upon a time and I use to look forward to things. Now, I'm neither.
I think a part of it - I don't know/want to figure out who I am. Like I've said in the past - I'm always "someone" to someone else - being a parent, spouse, etc. And I never had to be anything to just me.
It's like I'm stuck in time. Hard to explain. Just alot of "firsts" and just alot of transition. I don't know how to focus on it all. But, enough of journaling - I need to get my ass in gear. It's sleeting outside - and I need to clean out my car - which has been my filing cabinet for most of the winter - I hate it being that way - but I don't know why I can't face it - I know it needs to be done - I'm disgusted with myself for not doing it. I know - I'm nuts! I wonder about myself sometimes. I'm really pretty nutty. If I were to look at myself - I'd be like well get off your ass and do it - just snap out of it - bad huh? But it's true - I know who I use to be - a LONG time ago. I have to say that I'v been getting progressively worse for the last 15 years - and now I feel like I'm bottoming out. I can't explain it - just know that I don't like myself very much right now. I'd be annoyed with myself right now. My g/f (who's an acct.) called me last night and said you know I'm booked up with taxes you need to get your shit together - she's been hounding me for the last month - yet I can't get myself to handle it. What the hell is up with me? God - I wish I had a clue.
Anyways - enough trying to put off the inevitable - I need to get my ass moving and do what i NEED to get done - *sighs* Wish me luck!
I know, I'm so lame!
I use to be pretty motivated once upon a time and I use to look forward to things. Now, I'm neither.
I think a part of it - I don't know/want to figure out who I am. Like I've said in the past - I'm always "someone" to someone else - being a parent, spouse, etc. And I never had to be anything to just me.
It's like I'm stuck in time. Hard to explain. Just alot of "firsts" and just alot of transition. I don't know how to focus on it all. But, enough of journaling - I need to get my ass in gear. It's sleeting outside - and I need to clean out my car - which has been my filing cabinet for most of the winter - I hate it being that way - but I don't know why I can't face it - I know it needs to be done - I'm disgusted with myself for not doing it. I know - I'm nuts! I wonder about myself sometimes. I'm really pretty nutty. If I were to look at myself - I'd be like well get off your ass and do it - just snap out of it - bad huh? But it's true - I know who I use to be - a LONG time ago. I have to say that I'v been getting progressively worse for the last 15 years - and now I feel like I'm bottoming out. I can't explain it - just know that I don't like myself very much right now. I'd be annoyed with myself right now. My g/f (who's an acct.) called me last night and said you know I'm booked up with taxes you need to get your shit together - she's been hounding me for the last month - yet I can't get myself to handle it. What the hell is up with me? God - I wish I had a clue.
Anyways - enough trying to put off the inevitable - I need to get my ass moving and do what i NEED to get done - *sighs* Wish me luck!
I know, I'm so lame!
Replies
u aren\'t lame...if u were..u\'d join the \"Lame Community\"...how bout we like u till u like yourself more? i\'m willin to pick up the slack. ; )
you\'re ok, chicken litte...just going thru what we all do...it\'ll pass.
(but DO clean out your car, ya slob!!!! lol) much love, Diane
I just discovered something - I don\'t like to be alone with myself - how bizarre