Well...another day is done. Lots has crossed my mind. It's amazing the worldwind that blows within. So many different feelings...overwhelming at times. I feel like I'm opening up too many cans of worms at once, and don't know if I can handle it.
Went to my PDOC today. I've been off the Nortryptaline now since last Friday. It was making me feel "flat", so I took myself off of it. I was only taking 10 mg. I was tired all the time. There's a part of me that wants to try to make a go of it without meds. I mean, honestly, I've felt worse since being medicated. At least I can "feel" now, even if it's not good feelings, if that makes sense. I felt like I was watching myself in a movie. The doc had mentioned mood stabilizers. He gave me another RX for Lexapro, but my insurance company won't cover it. Maybe that's a sign? I don't know.
I feel like I'm frozen. And I don'tknow if medication will help "thaw me out". I think I have alot on my plate that I'm dealing with all at once. Someone made a good analogy and said to envision a dinner plate, and think of everything in your life on that plate. Then look at the contents and determine what's taking too much space on it. Like for example say part of your plate has a big mac on it - you should remove that big mac and replace it with a veggie burger...I know...my analogies are off the wall...but hey, I understand them LOL.
I've also thought about how everyone is looking for the same thing as everyone else is, and what the majority of us want. We all want to feel loved and understood, yet we're all afraid to find that. We all have our guards up, and maybe for some - good reason. But we are all afraid of taking our toes and "test the waters" for fear of it turning our toes blue. You have to start out slowly and get acclimated.
Lots of other stuff I've been thinking of that I don't feel like writing about at the moment.
I just know that I would love to have a "quiet day" within my mind. My brain needs a vacation! I need a vacation. I'm giving up hope on goign away...anywhere for that matter. I'm just really down about that. I just want to get away and clear my mind for a couple days. I need a mental break...recharge the old batteries. I just don't have the "umph" to plan it. How sad am I? I've been told by a friend that she will take my kids for me for a few days so I can get my head together, yet I have no drive to do it. I just don't get it. I use to look forward to so many things before. Always loved the anticipation of going on vacation....enjoying life...and what it has to offer...I don't know what happened to that person. I'd like to find her and the "umph" she use to have.
Went to my PDOC today. I've been off the Nortryptaline now since last Friday. It was making me feel "flat", so I took myself off of it. I was only taking 10 mg. I was tired all the time. There's a part of me that wants to try to make a go of it without meds. I mean, honestly, I've felt worse since being medicated. At least I can "feel" now, even if it's not good feelings, if that makes sense. I felt like I was watching myself in a movie. The doc had mentioned mood stabilizers. He gave me another RX for Lexapro, but my insurance company won't cover it. Maybe that's a sign? I don't know.
I feel like I'm frozen. And I don'tknow if medication will help "thaw me out". I think I have alot on my plate that I'm dealing with all at once. Someone made a good analogy and said to envision a dinner plate, and think of everything in your life on that plate. Then look at the contents and determine what's taking too much space on it. Like for example say part of your plate has a big mac on it - you should remove that big mac and replace it with a veggie burger...I know...my analogies are off the wall...but hey, I understand them LOL.
I've also thought about how everyone is looking for the same thing as everyone else is, and what the majority of us want. We all want to feel loved and understood, yet we're all afraid to find that. We all have our guards up, and maybe for some - good reason. But we are all afraid of taking our toes and "test the waters" for fear of it turning our toes blue. You have to start out slowly and get acclimated.
Lots of other stuff I've been thinking of that I don't feel like writing about at the moment.
I just know that I would love to have a "quiet day" within my mind. My brain needs a vacation! I need a vacation. I'm giving up hope on goign away...anywhere for that matter. I'm just really down about that. I just want to get away and clear my mind for a couple days. I need a mental break...recharge the old batteries. I just don't have the "umph" to plan it. How sad am I? I've been told by a friend that she will take my kids for me for a few days so I can get my head together, yet I have no drive to do it. I just don't get it. I use to look forward to so many things before. Always loved the anticipation of going on vacation....enjoying life...and what it has to offer...I don't know what happened to that person. I'd like to find her and the "umph" she use to have.
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