Ok first of all I just want to say that my day started out absolutely horrible. Actually Saturday is when it all started, and yet for the first time since I've been on here I have an excellent smiley....and yes I'm feeling too, and boy does it feel good! :) I just want to say have faith, believe that you can achieve, and you can. That's the way I'm feeling, even if it might be for a short time, but for right now it is, and I'm going to enjoy it!

I've always kept quiet and never rocked the boat in any relationships/what I do in life. I try to keep the peace. I don't like conflict at all. I'll cower, even if I believe in what I think, I don't know why. But I know that in the last year of my life I've been sticking up for myself, in what I'm feeling is right for me. I ended a 17 year marriage...a marriage I was not happy in for a VERY long time. I believed in myself in knowing I deserved to be happy, instead of thinking of everyone else. Maybe that's selfish, who knows, but I did what was right for me. I rocked the boat, but I did it...and personally I think it was the best decision. I've let him walk alll over me from the guilt I carry for ruining his life, as he reminds me all the time. I ranted in a previous post that he gambled the child support in a poker tourney, and lost it. Yet he shut the door on my face when I was upset with him that he could do something like that, and why is it expected that I have to 'handle it'. Guess what it's his kids too. He spends 24 hours in a week - yes one day with his kids. They miss him, he coudl have more opportunity to see them, but he doesn't...yet cries about how he misses them and it's my fault he doesn't get to see them....i don't want to go into detail now, but i'm going to stick up for myself this week, and hopefully justice will be done!