Well Day 2 on Pamelor. I feel about the same, ALOT better than on the Prozac. Tired, but I guess that's to be expected. Only thing that's bothering me is I feel like I"m always hungry and I'm battling "me" about eating. I'm craving carbs/sweets something fierce. I don't like that. I cannot afford t put on weight. I lost 45 lbs. this last year during my breakup with my stbx. I gave away all my clothes, and cannot afford a new wardrobe, and honestly, it'll make me depressed putting weight back on. I feel good where I'm at, and don't want to gain weight.
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I feel so torn inside. All I want to do is see D. I need to get away for along weekend. All I want to do is spend it with him. Go somewhere just the 2 of us. He\'s so low, he dodges the question. I know it would help if we both got away and just had some solitude from the world. I told him no pressures of having to \"perform\". I mean sure, I\'d love to, but I dont\' want him thinking that that\'s what it\'s all about. I just want to be there for him. I want him to know I\'m not going anywhere. I know it\'s the depression, just sometimes it hurts. I do feel rejected, but I know it\'s the depression. I believe in him, and don\'t want to walk away. It\'s very difficult...the distance. Havent seen each other since October. Feels like a lifetime ago. I miss him. I miss his closeness. I miss his touch. His smile. He makes me feel so alive. It\'s so hard seeing him this way, not being able to comfort him. I feel so helpless.
I really want to be able to get away with him in April. That\'s what I\'d rather do more than anything. But if he can\'t give me an answer? I do have the opportunity to go Florida at the end of April with a couple of my g/f\'s. They\'ve asked me to go. My g/f\'s dad has a condo down there. Ocean front, very nice. Been there before. I could be a beach bum for 4 days. Just get lost in the sound of the ocean. Try to make sense of what/who I\'m suppose to be. I need some time away. I feel guilty that it doesn\'t involve my kids, but I need to clear my mind, so that I can focus on who or what it is I\'m suppose to be doing. God, I wish I had a clue
Hang in there. One day you will wake up and it will all be CLEAR! Maybe you are supposed to be in limbo right now, for some reasons you can\'t see yet. God has all kinds of strange plans for us. And if we could foresee them, we might disagree. But supposedly, we are always right where we need to be! You should go to FL! It sounds like more fun, and you\'d come home with less questions, less pain, and a few happy memories with friends, who are always there for us!!