I look at my pic on this page, and want to feel like I did in that pic. I think that's why I posted it. I know this is awful, but I took that pic shortly after my stbx and I split up. I had such a huge weight lifted off of me, and I felt "alive" again. I mean at that point, just like now, I didn't have a clue what it was like to be just "me", but I know I felt alive, unlike now. I just go through the motions, day in day out, week to week, month to month. I want to feel that again. The feeling of the weight being lifted off. The feeling of being happy.