When I went to bed last night I layed there for a while, like I usually do, thinking about my life and how everything in it is in limbo. I draw my curtains everynight when I go to bed. There was a tiny gap in it last night, and I could see the North Star sparkling through that gap. I made a wish when I saw it. It was hard just coming up with one wish though. I have alot of wishes for different areas of my life. I wish I could overcome the feelings of being depressed. I wish I could just fix it, and make it go away. I wish I could ease D's pain of depression as well. I wish we could be happy together. I wish to feel love again. Not that D. doesn't love me, I know he does. I just wish to feel that feeling all the time. Love can be so euphoric, make you feel so alive, and so good. I wish they could bottle up that feeling. I'm sure they could make a mint off of it. I know I'd keep a stockpile of it at all times! I wish I wasn't so alone. That's really difficult sometimes. Being alone. I'm so lonely. I wish I could be a better parent. I feel so down, that it's such a struggle getting through the day some days and I know my kids can tell that "something's up with Mom". I wish I knew what the future holds. I know I need to focus on today, but what's the point of today, when you have no clue about tomorrow. It's such a struggle sometimes. So much to do, no motivation, no desire, no time, no energy. Will I ever wake up and be happy again? I don't know if I'm capable of that anymore. I use to always look forward to seeing something new, going somewhere new, getting out and enjoying things around me. Now I just want to curl up and do nothing, nothing seems exciting anymore. All I do is focus on being overwhelmed, how I'm going to get this done, or that done, etc. I have nothing to look fowrard to anymore.