Oh how I wish I could see your beautiful eyes, and go back to that magical day. When none of this existed. A simpler time, when I could feel the good inside. Unlike here and now. Who would have known that this is where I would be standing. We wanted the same things. You say it's not me, but it has to be. It's always me. All I want is to be loved and held, and for you to tell me it's going to be ok. But how can you, when you're in a worse place than I am. Although, I don't know how you feel, and know you've been suffering for so long. But if it's what I've felt the last few days, then I don't know how you've tolerated it. I have to somehow gain my composure. My son's about to walk in the door from school. I can't let him see me this way. Weak, hopeless, crying fool that I am. I should be enjoying the spring weather that has arrived. Yet, I can't. I should feel upbeat and feel the warmth of the sun, but I can't. I always look forward to this time of the year, the newness, the shedding of winter, yet I can't. All I see is gray. All I see are other people having a purpose, a reason. I wish I did. D I wish I could hug you right now. I need to feel your closeness.