3/11 - Not having a good day. Questioning what my purpose is in life right now. Why am I here? So much has transpired in my life in the last year or so. I'm not the same person I was. I don't know who I'm suppose to become. All I want to do is share my life with someone that loves ME for who I am. God, I love him so much, yet he can't give himself the way I want him to. It's not his fault, he's expressed his fears. I can't change that. I need to learn patience I guess. Maybe I'm not suppose to know wht happiness is. I'm questioning myself in my career, who the hell I am and who i'm suppose to be! I have no idea, and I feel so helpless, hopeless right now. Sure, I have my kids. I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I just want to be loved. My g/f had a miscarriage today. One of my very best friends. I went to her to comfort her, but felt so "empty". I couldn't "feel". I was very sad, but I couldn't cry or feel emotion. I guess it's the meds (fluoxetine) that are making me that way. I hate not "feeling". But I also don't like the mind racing I was experiencing prior to being on it. Will I ever see light again? I'm really starting to wonder. I feel like I"m losing it sometimes. And sometimes I feel so numb.