How?
As I go through this process of healing, I am still baffled by the ups and downs of my emotions. For the last couple of weeks, I have hated my STBX. I was forced to go to a parenting class because I initiated the divorce, yet he is not obligated to. I am sitting there like I am the bad parent when in reality, he abandoned us without any regard for how we would survive. Mutual friends and family are still informing me of his activities, even though I have asked them not to. I believe they are trying to make me see that he is in a horrible place, when in reality all I see is him having the time of his life. He is going to the movies, out to expensive dinners, getting hotel rooms regularly and just living the life of a man who has been freed from any obligation. Whoever this new woman is, he is spending more time with her than he did with me. It hurts like hell to see that all the places he is taking her is where we would go or where I have asked him to go.
Last week, I started meditating more and I have had some thoughts of clarity appear. One is, I have to let him go. I know our divorce court date is not until August 20, but I have to separate myself from him now or the stress of missing him and hating him will kill me. The question is, how? My friends are trying to get me to go out and meet people, but I am not the social type. I hate clubs and bars and besides, the people in there are not my type. One friend tried to get me to set up an online dating profile, but that was just too scarey for me. Besides, the majority of the sites, I found my STBX had profiles on. That was depressing. I do not know what it is that is going to cause me to move past him, I just wish it would happen.
Last week, I started meditating more and I have had some thoughts of clarity appear. One is, I have to let him go. I know our divorce court date is not until August 20, but I have to separate myself from him now or the stress of missing him and hating him will kill me. The question is, how? My friends are trying to get me to go out and meet people, but I am not the social type. I hate clubs and bars and besides, the people in there are not my type. One friend tried to get me to set up an online dating profile, but that was just too scarey for me. Besides, the majority of the sites, I found my STBX had profiles on. That was depressing. I do not know what it is that is going to cause me to move past him, I just wish it would happen.
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I will guarantee you the tide will change...it may seem that he is \'livin the life\' now but he WILL fall from the altitude he thinks he\'s flying at...I know the feeling of hearing/seeing the lifestyle of the STBX which is why I stay off FB & other social media; it can be very dis-abling to one\'s healing process that needs to take place...
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I am not on any social media sites and the only way I am aware of his actions are like I mentioned from friends and family who see him in public and view his FB page. One other way I am aware (and this will end once the divorce has been finalized) is through is bank account. He has lied about his finances to the court and I have to prove that I need alimony from him due to the standard of living I have to maintain for my sons and I. So each month I go to the bank and have them print me his monthly statements. He has yet to remove me from his account. Seeing how he just ignores the needs of his sons and chooses instead to be an ATM for these women does cut deep. But like I said, once it is presented in court, I no longer have to be aware of any of this. I am looking forward to August 20 and this hopefully being over.
Vawncole, hang in there. You seem like a great mother and a strong mother. It is not fair that you have to go to that class I agree but you know that you are the better parent and your kids are luck to have you.
How is the meditating things going? Does that really work well? I was thinking of starting this week. I am open to whatever will help. Hang in there
Thanks Butterfly. Before I married my STBX, I was big into yoga and meditation. My mind and body were in impeccable condition due to the discipline involved in both. I would recommend that you go to the library and find a couple of books that have CD\'s attached to them or some people just go on YouTube. There are different types and you just have to find the one that works for you. The one that I am practicing involves concentrating on your breath and allowing thoughts to come in your head and you just let them pass. You give them no energy because you are focused on your breath. As these thoughts come in and out, I get a new perspective on them. One realization I have experienced is that I will have to forgive my STBX (not today, though) as I cannot hold onto this hate for him. I try to meditate for at least 15 minutes a day and I hope to work up to 30. It is very calming and you look at the world in a more peaceful way. You do not give energy to negativity and that is very beneficial if you are stressed, as we all are. Please give it a try. It is not an overnight remedy, but you will notice subtle changes in your attitude.
Hey girl!I have stopped my activity for a while til I\'m healed but I would so recommend the dating websites ..even if to just get a chuckle(either with your date or AT your date lol) and get out and have a drink. I was so scared at first but I actually met a few good guys on there..one of whom is a dear friend to me now. I\'m not sure I\'m sold on it all the way though..but if you are ready to just dip your toe in the water..why not? You can block creeps and talk to only who YOU choose on there. No sweat. I understand about your ex being on there, mine is too..maybe just block his profile once you know it. You know he\'s dating already..no shock there. I don\'t know how else to meet people any more. I guess through friends and work ..but if you have a limited scope with those..online dating can be a diversion. of sorts. I\'m sorry your ex is behaving so callously to you and shirking his responsibilities. It will bite him in the ass one day..you are taking the high road and your life will reflect that..in one way or another.
Engaging in regular meditation is a sanity saver..it\'s like doing a 180 and seeing everything so much more clearly. I also find when I meditate I react less to things that aren\'t very important and my life is less drama filled.
Much love to you..close your ears when your friends mention your ex and his doings..and just say ..\"nana nananananana...I can\'t hear you\".
Medita