DH is a very caring man of God (retired pastor) and we discuss everything. What do I do? My heart tells me to go ahead and buy gifts but my mind tells me no, this will only lead to the next round of heart ache.
If your heart tells you to go ahead and buy gifts, that is what I would do. Others would probably tell you different. But I cant imagine not buying a gift for my granddaughter even though I go threw great pains trying to get it to her. If the day comes that they follow thru and reject my gifts to her, then I will save the gifts till she is 18. I will then give them too her so she knows I never forgot about her. It is a heart wrenching I know. Stay strong
Since things are only going to get nastier if we get together with them, I like your idea of buying gifts and keeping them for each GC until they are 18 and they can see that we always loved them.
missing, holidays are so hard. I believe we should listen to our hearts to some extent, but also through prayer, rational thinking, and even counsel from solid Christian friends and family, then we can make the best decisions. If I had listened to my heart a few years ago I would have literally run my car into a tree, so I could die and get out of this unexplainable pain I was in. Not to be dramatic, but acting on our feelings is not ALWAYS the wisest call. Please do not anguish over this detail. Whatever your grandchildren think of you- now and down the road when they\'re 18- is on them. Your only responsibility is to do right before the Lord- you know in your heart that your actions and motives are true.
Your DH sounds like a wise man when he recognized that it was all about your ES and GC getting what they could from you. Trust in the wisdom of your husband. I have found that when we take away the ability for our EC to manipulate, they back down a little. Gifts are nice, but not a hill to die on or a tool to be controlled by, in my opinion. You sound like such a sweet, dear person. Hard to \"toughen up\", but unfortunately, our circumstances require that of us sometime. Stay on your husband\'s team, in every way. God gives us these wonderful men to keep our emotions in check.
Hugs.
They stopped by to give you gifts. They knew you wouldn\'t be home. It would have been nice to have a true get together, but they did do something nice. A thank you card would be great. EC throw crumbs which we need to accept. Reconcilation comes little by little. The more we return in kindness goes a long way. You don\'t have to let them walk all over you, but love goes a long way. GD wanted to get together with you. I wouldn\'t punish her. I\'m not sure how old she is. It\'s too bad she has bad manners, but unless you think she\'s really has a bad reason to get together I would keep that relationship going.
The GC are controlled and brain washed by their father. He has her contact me so that he doesn\'t. I have tried to get through to him a couple of times and every mode of communication is blocked. To me, that doesn\'t seem like wanting any kinds of relationship. With them, even the children, it\'s what they can get out of us. This GD is 15 and acted very rude to us last time we took her out to dinner and hasn\'t wanted to have anything to do with us until now. It\'s all manipulation on their part. I do have a couple of small things that I will take over for each of them once the weather is better. Right now it seems best to keep ES and DH apart.
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If your heart tells you to go ahead and buy gifts, that is what I would do. Others would probably tell you different. But I cant imagine not buying a gift for my granddaughter even though I go threw great pains trying to get it to her. If the day comes that they follow thru and reject my gifts to her, then I will save the gifts till she is 18. I will then give them too her so she knows I never forgot about her. It is a heart wrenching I know. Stay strong
Since things are only going to get nastier if we get together with them, I like your idea of buying gifts and keeping them for each GC until they are 18 and they can see that we always loved them.
missing, holidays are so hard. I believe we should listen to our hearts to some extent, but also through prayer, rational thinking, and even counsel from solid Christian friends and family, then we can make the best decisions. If I had listened to my heart a few years ago I would have literally run my car into a tree, so I could die and get out of this unexplainable pain I was in. Not to be dramatic, but acting on our feelings is not ALWAYS the wisest call. Please do not anguish over this detail. Whatever your grandchildren think of you- now and down the road when they\'re 18- is on them. Your only responsibility is to do right before the Lord- you know in your heart that your actions and motives are true.
Your DH sounds like a wise man when he recognized that it was all about your ES and GC getting what they could from you. Trust in the wisdom of your husband. I have found that when we take away the ability for our EC to manipulate, they back down a little. Gifts are nice, but not a hill to die on or a tool to be controlled by, in my opinion. You sound like such a sweet, dear person. Hard to \"toughen up\", but unfortunately, our circumstances require that of us sometime. Stay on your husband\'s team, in every way. God gives us these wonderful men to keep our emotions in check.
Hugs.
They stopped by to give you gifts. They knew you wouldn\'t be home. It would have been nice to have a true get together, but they did do something nice. A thank you card would be great. EC throw crumbs which we need to accept. Reconcilation comes little by little. The more we return in kindness goes a long way. You don\'t have to let them walk all over you, but love goes a long way. GD wanted to get together with you. I wouldn\'t punish her. I\'m not sure how old she is. It\'s too bad she has bad manners, but unless you think she\'s really has a bad reason to get together I would keep that relationship going.
The GC are controlled and brain washed by their father. He has her contact me so that he doesn\'t. I have tried to get through to him a couple of times and every mode of communication is blocked. To me, that doesn\'t seem like wanting any kinds of relationship. With them, even the children, it\'s what they can get out of us. This GD is 15 and acted very rude to us last time we took her out to dinner and hasn\'t wanted to have anything to do with us until now. It\'s all manipulation on their part. I do have a couple of small things that I will take over for each of them once the weather is better. Right now it seems best to keep ES and DH apart.