it's been almost 5 months now and I have had just a few days where I did not cry and then I am replacing photos and what do I find... old photos behind the ones I am replacing of my son and it starts all over again. I visit my sons grave everyday and yet I cannot seem to come to terms with the fact that he is actually gone. I know in my head I buried my son but my heart just cannot accept that we will not have our daily conversations and all the things we won't share together anymore.
On a positive note I looked up our local Compassionate friends chapter and have it on my calendar but now just having the courage to actually go.
On a positive note I looked up our local Compassionate friends chapter and have it on my calendar but now just having the courage to actually go.
Replies
Dear Sherry. It is so hard to accept the idea that a child could be gone before us. It is just not the way it is supposed to be. Children should outlive their parents.
The sorrow comes in waves. One day you think \'Wow I feel great today\'. The next day, or even the next minute, something will trigger a memory and down we go. And it is exhausting.
I still get teary eyed, and downright bawl at times. I am fairly certain I always will. But on the upside, after 4 years, I lead a satisfying life.
I am so glad you have a supportive family and are going to Compassionate Friends. I know many people who find the group very helpful.
You will know when the time is right to go.
Love and huge hugs,
Marlene
It is truly a roller coaster ride. And the reality of their absence takes a very very long time to process. Now, for me (most days) I am ok with knowing that he is with me even now...just in a different form. Where you are is ok...you are doing the best you can. And when it is the right time for you to try Compassionate Friends...you will know it. Love and gentle hugs...Karen
I will not sugar coat it, Sherri. This first year will be rough. And so will the 2nd one, when the shock wears off and then learning to accept comes in. There is no point in my telling you that it will be better soon, because it will not. 15 days after my son died (and a couple of months before I found FMO), I went to a Compassionate Friends service and a lady told me that this was going to get worse before it got better, but that it does get better. I always appreciated that she told me the truth. You will have many ups and downs and you can always come to us during whichever one and we understand!!!! Hugs
Peace.
My darling friend, I\'m going to tell you what I hated hearing.......it will take time, but healing can and does happen if you choose for it to. And you are choosing.
Like Binky says, the first year is brutal, and year two is no picnic either. BUT, with each day we DO find a tad more energy to face the next. And yes, it comes in waves as Marlene stated, and it\'s the roller coaster ride from hell just like Karen says. For me, it helped knowing this.....hearing other moms explain it this way. Then when I felt the rush of the roller coaster or the crash of the waves I knew somehow, somehow, I would survive it....because they did. I was given hope. And that\'s what we wish to give you....HOPE.
I know how hard this is. How totally unfair this is. How ridiculously cruel this is. I also know how survivable this is. You\'re doing all the right things to help yourself. All I can say is continue on your path.
Much love and tight heart hugs~~Teri
big ((hugs)) you can join compassionate friends online,,, my hubby did,,, he liked it... love ya!
What Binky and Teri said is truth: the first year is unimaginably bad, the second was, for me, surprisingly horrible. I hit year three, it\'s changing but it will never go away. This is one of the most difficult things: learning to live with it. Back to my analogy shipwrecked, in a lifeboat with a Bengal Tiger: there are times now when my Tiger sleeps but, at some point every day, unexpectedly, it awakens and torments me. Still no land in sight. God bless.
It took me a long while to believe the unbelievable--5 months is still early...baby steps and always remind yourself, your son has only \"Gone ahead\" of you-/you will see him again-he\'s healthy and happy-you have a future! Don\'t lose hope no matter what. You can do this. Love, Donna
As all these wise and loving sisters of the heart have shared... This path takes time and yes, at five months, think of an infant with that very new, pink and raw skin. So delicate to the touch and everything heightened in its intensity.
Everything you are feeling and doing is as it needs to be for today so trust the process and know that even in the moments you feel \"nothing\" is happening, healing IS. Those underground roots take time to make themselves known and seen above ground and much is happening. The merging and integrating of heart, mind and body takes a lifetime and there are no goals... Just a new way of learning how to live with your loss and one day finding hope in the midst. It will come in your own time and in your own way.
Hoping your going to Compassionate Friends feels like a fit and if you cannot go just trust you will know when you can.
Loving care and the most heartfelt (((hugs))) of understanding,
XO Joanie
Sherry
I have been going to Compassionate Friends since my son passed 9/27/2011.
They saved me. It is there that I found out that what I was feeling was normal and that I was not alone.
In the early part of 2013 I came upon FMO. I have become friends with a few who live close by and some who live at a distance.
I love FMO because it is more personal. The journaling, responses, and everything else.
You a still very raw on this journey. Try to take care of yourself, easier said then done
Oops, forgot to give you a hug.
Xoxo
Laura
It\'s understandable not being able to come to terms with the reality of our children. It\'s so tragic.....it\'s like we can\'t wrap our minds around the truth. Little by little - bit by bit, our mind gradually comes to terms with our loss. As the other moms here have said, it takes time. What you are experiencing is common with such a traumatic loss. We can relate, we understand & we care and we are right here beside you. Hugs of compassion.....Vicki