i came the closest today to telling someone i work with that i think i'm an alcoholic. got pretty much the usual. what do you mean you don't drink? i guess, more the expected. then a monologue about how some people drink too much. "i just can't believe how some people get so fucked up," then, "we ought to go drinking sometime." why is it that when you tell someone you don't drink anymore they want to convert you, coax you down from the wagon. then when you get too drunk in public, it's all "man you were fucked up last night, you blah blah blah..."?it's kinda gross, like how women want to convert gay men. is there really such a necessaty for control over other people in all of us? msnbc is showing their broadcast from the morning of sept 11, 2001. what a day. no one who was behind that can be in anything remotely resembling paradise. unless it's paradise to the rest of us. those of us who have souls. no, that's not right, we all have souls. even those fuck sticks. what went wrong, i guess is the true question. when did they lose their humanity? at somepoint, they were laughing children. then they introduced themselves to history. in the most godawful way. what value does life tryly have that this level of evil is an option? this on a level right below the nazis. how weak are words. how weak is life. how frightening chance. how terrible indifference. how ruthless sorrow. how brave is hope
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