Memories
Do you remember your first kiss? Of course! Of course yes yes yes. Once cool day, after bowling with co-workers behind a school, under the rain. Yes, got out of the car under the rain and he kissed me for the first time, that's when it all began.
Not sure why I'm dwelling on this right now but it is the beautiful memories that I want to hold on to. We met April's fools day at a meeting for our job. A week before that day, I called the office to see what my schedule was since I was new then. The manager wasn't available so he picked up the phone. He said "Tri (manager) is not available at the moment but I am the lead teller and I can give you your schedule"....OMG....... His voice tone was the most amazing voice I've ever heard. I fell in love right there and then. I remember calling him one day at work since I was off and telling him "So, do you prefer blue or pink?". There was silence on the phone......
That's when we began our parenting journey together (my 2nd son-his 1st son). And what a journey that was. We worked in the same office for months until of course a co-worker who did not approve of me much called HR due to our relationship and he got transferred to another store. It was actually a relief! I could miss him a lot for once! And what a ride it was since then...ups and downs. Anger and laughter. Support and companionship. I committed and was loyal. I had my best friend after all. Everything I wanted he would do for me, anything he wanted I would do for him. Everything! Even a trip to the store at 9pm, I asked or he asked and we did. He hated I cooked rice a lot. Well.. in my culture we eat rice every day! he loved pasta, so I learned many dishes on the food network channel to cook his favorite meals! I absolutely loved cooking!!!
We found out about our baby's condition during the second trimester of my pregnancy. Oh lord that was painful. But I was so excited. He has always been in denial, even today. The baby was born in April 2014 and he was just our joy! So much to learn and handle and practice and endure from that moment forward. Our lives were completely changed. Surprinsingly enough, there is not one day I would give it up because our son has taught me life. He has been through so much physically and medically that he is my hero. My oldest has never been jelous or distant of him. The first time my oldest met the baby, his words were " Mommy look this is my angel!" and since then, he has been his protector. My oldest is the only one that can make the baby giggle and engaged. Through all of it, his father has always been in denial.
And omg I remember when we met with the geneticist, my mom was there too, and they were giving us a power point presentation as to what his life may look like and his life expectancy. That power point was very helpful but hideous! I didn't want to see it, I just wanted to live the moment with my baby. My mom goes "So doctor Gripp, can he die with this?" His father and I looked at each other and then at mom and omg it was a moment. "Hello mother!! they just gave us an estimated life expectancy......" What a moment. Everything I've experienced with this man has shaped me into who I am. People say "Don't focus on him, focus on the children" "Don't think about him, think about the children" "Don't allow him to take your life, live it to the fullest". And I get it, I get that my kids need to be my inspiration, but he was my rock who kept me strong throughout all of this. Even his prescence made a difference. I didn't have to be afraid of the dark. I could break down and he was right next to me. Those were the good memories.
I remember one day on Valentine's day, there were 3 flowers arrangements delivered to my job. All from him. Then a 4th, brought to my office by him. Loved it! Then I asked him to not get me flowers because flowers and I are not best friends.....they die 2-3 days later! That was the best Valentine's day I've ever had. And omg, when we first met, we had the same car, same birth day month, same favorite color. That got us. All here and there and we built great memories, good and bad, short and long, the not so pretty and the one's we tackle like a heart attack!
There is a song that says:
"When I think back
The things that threw us off track
We handled like a heart attack
Cause we didn't see the light.
We both, know our
Own limitations, that's why we're strong
Now that we spent some time apart
We're leading each other, out of the dark
Cause we both know..."
That song makes me think so much. I'm heartbroken, but I still love. I'm empty, but still filled with hope. I'm sad, but I need to find the light to fight back these feelings to grow for my boys. But I will always hold on to those and more memories that drove me to love as much as I have loved. One day I know I will be loved just the same as I have given love to him.
Ami
Not sure why I'm dwelling on this right now but it is the beautiful memories that I want to hold on to. We met April's fools day at a meeting for our job. A week before that day, I called the office to see what my schedule was since I was new then. The manager wasn't available so he picked up the phone. He said "Tri (manager) is not available at the moment but I am the lead teller and I can give you your schedule"....OMG....... His voice tone was the most amazing voice I've ever heard. I fell in love right there and then. I remember calling him one day at work since I was off and telling him "So, do you prefer blue or pink?". There was silence on the phone......
That's when we began our parenting journey together (my 2nd son-his 1st son). And what a journey that was. We worked in the same office for months until of course a co-worker who did not approve of me much called HR due to our relationship and he got transferred to another store. It was actually a relief! I could miss him a lot for once! And what a ride it was since then...ups and downs. Anger and laughter. Support and companionship. I committed and was loyal. I had my best friend after all. Everything I wanted he would do for me, anything he wanted I would do for him. Everything! Even a trip to the store at 9pm, I asked or he asked and we did. He hated I cooked rice a lot. Well.. in my culture we eat rice every day! he loved pasta, so I learned many dishes on the food network channel to cook his favorite meals! I absolutely loved cooking!!!
We found out about our baby's condition during the second trimester of my pregnancy. Oh lord that was painful. But I was so excited. He has always been in denial, even today. The baby was born in April 2014 and he was just our joy! So much to learn and handle and practice and endure from that moment forward. Our lives were completely changed. Surprinsingly enough, there is not one day I would give it up because our son has taught me life. He has been through so much physically and medically that he is my hero. My oldest has never been jelous or distant of him. The first time my oldest met the baby, his words were " Mommy look this is my angel!" and since then, he has been his protector. My oldest is the only one that can make the baby giggle and engaged. Through all of it, his father has always been in denial.
And omg I remember when we met with the geneticist, my mom was there too, and they were giving us a power point presentation as to what his life may look like and his life expectancy. That power point was very helpful but hideous! I didn't want to see it, I just wanted to live the moment with my baby. My mom goes "So doctor Gripp, can he die with this?" His father and I looked at each other and then at mom and omg it was a moment. "Hello mother!! they just gave us an estimated life expectancy......" What a moment. Everything I've experienced with this man has shaped me into who I am. People say "Don't focus on him, focus on the children" "Don't think about him, think about the children" "Don't allow him to take your life, live it to the fullest". And I get it, I get that my kids need to be my inspiration, but he was my rock who kept me strong throughout all of this. Even his prescence made a difference. I didn't have to be afraid of the dark. I could break down and he was right next to me. Those were the good memories.
I remember one day on Valentine's day, there were 3 flowers arrangements delivered to my job. All from him. Then a 4th, brought to my office by him. Loved it! Then I asked him to not get me flowers because flowers and I are not best friends.....they die 2-3 days later! That was the best Valentine's day I've ever had. And omg, when we first met, we had the same car, same birth day month, same favorite color. That got us. All here and there and we built great memories, good and bad, short and long, the not so pretty and the one's we tackle like a heart attack!
There is a song that says:
"When I think back
The things that threw us off track
We handled like a heart attack
Cause we didn't see the light.
We both, know our
Own limitations, that's why we're strong
Now that we spent some time apart
We're leading each other, out of the dark
Cause we both know..."
That song makes me think so much. I'm heartbroken, but I still love. I'm empty, but still filled with hope. I'm sad, but I need to find the light to fight back these feelings to grow for my boys. But I will always hold on to those and more memories that drove me to love as much as I have loved. One day I know I will be loved just the same as I have given love to him.
Ami
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