I've been back at school for a week and already I'm overwhelmed with the amount of work I've been given, I'm losing even more sleep and when i can get some rest i wake up feeling even more drained and exhausted, my friends all have a load of shit happening and I don't know how to help them which makes me feel bad and then i feel even worse for feeling bad, my pain meds are clearly mentally and physically fucking me up and god knows what they'll do to me in the long run, life at home is stressful, horrible and so loud i can't hear myself think as always, and I can't cope with it all. I know nobody likes writing essays or getting up early but I struggle to find a reason to get up at all. Getting through day to day is one of the hardest things; I hate being alone but I don't like being around people, I choose not to eat over ordering something in a shop because the thought of talking to someone and telling them what i want terrifies me, half the time i feel like 'Fuck You Fuck This Fuck That Fuck Everything Fuck Off Get The Fuck Out Of My Way' and the rest of the time i want to shrink into my shell and never come out and never interact with people ever and just hide under a table with some bubblewrap and cusions and candles. Just getting on the bus and asking for my ticket without nearly vomiting from nerves is a huge achievement and i can't cope with all the pressure of everything, of just day to day life. I genuinely feel like my soul and will to live is slowly being sucked out of me more and more each day. I'm struggling with self harm again. I feel like when I tell people how i feel I'm lumping my problems onto them and that they'll think I'm just attention seeking because asking for a bottle of water at the canteen isn;t a huge deal for them. I don't know what to do, i feel swamped by everything.