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You ever feel like life is simply passing you by and you are withering away like a dried out leaf. I feel like this almost everyday. My life has become so predictable and now I wake up looking forward to absolutely nothing. I have no purpose. Nothing interests me like it used to. I guess it's the depression. All of my symptoms have magnified over the last year. I am no longer distracted like I used to be and now every moment is spent alone and the memories of my past are haunting me. Flashbacks everyday, feeling completely alone, no one to talk to, misunderstood and ultimately trying to figure out if all hope is lost. It sure feels like it. I don't think hope has ever been a part of my existence. When you are forced to simply survive at a young age, hope is lost. I just did and continue to do things to survive. The sad part is those things are making life worse. Punishing myself and engaging in self-destructive behavior only fuels the loneliness, anger and shame. A temporary relief from my permanent pain is all there is. I always have thought if I only had someone in my corner who took the time to understand me and validate my feelings maybe I could pull myself out of this darkness and then reality reminds there is no one and I am back to being alone.