WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY  There must of been a cell phone demon out yesterday, because I know of another friend who had problems with the cell phone and there child and last night I had to take my son's cell away as well.  Needless to say he did not like that.  He did get pretty aggressive, pushing me, pulling on me punching my arm, one time he pulled his fist way back I closed my eyes and ducked I dont know what happened because he did not follow through thank god. I dont give in to this indimidation and the thing is I know I could give this kid a good fight but who do you think will get in trouble.  I am at a loss. During his rage he also brought his fist down on my laptop.  I just got it a couple of weeks ago.  He knows I need it for work.  It is hard for me to sit at a desk anymore so the laptop enables me to sit on my couch where I have more room and can move a bit more.  If I had a phone jack upstairs I would work in my bedroom in bed.  You all know how it is with fibro. There are times I dont know how I am going to take another day of this.  I just dont understand how he can treat me like this.  I love him with alll my heart.  I would die for him He is my child a Blessing from God.  I would just like to know how I screwed him up so much.   Well I am starting to get depressed thinking of all this.  So I better stop.  I know I need to get it out and keep a journal of his behaviors, but honestly I would rather forget about it.  Ok Its not about me its about him helping him so I will continue.  this was just a little agruement I had with myself.  Maybe I am the one with the mental illness. Hey does anyone that has to deal with this from a loved one ever wonder if its you that has the illness?  Just wondering.I am off to wake up my Wonderful, Wacky, Whistful Son Get it w's for wednesday? School called11 am The principal called me to see where my son was.  I told her a little bit about what happened last night.  This woman is close to saint hood I am telling you she really cares I hear her crying on the phone because she is so frustrated with the system failing our kids.  I am trying to cheer her up and let her know that she is doing all she can and how I appreciate it.   So son is home I tried talking him into letting me take him but he just wont budge.  This is where I need a man in the house.  Anyone no any good men? LANDLANDY COMES A KNOCKIN 1:30 pmBecause my son is freaking out he thinks he broke his contoler to the xbox.  He is stomping and banging on walls on the front door.  I have no idea what's going on.  then he says he broke it.  apparently its not broken DAMM IT because he is playing now.  I told him he needs to go to school and that there is no xbox if he does not .  you all see how well that works.   I know the people that are going through this understand but the ones that read and arent probablly think I am a bad mom.  Sometimes its better just to let things go when they are cycling so quick in between moods.  There really is no point in me putting my foot down today because I would just get punched anyway and he does not get it when he is like this.   I just wish God would SET HIM FREE from this illness.  I just don't understand how God could let him suffer like this.  I know about sin being brought into the world and our free will and all.  I know that God did not make this illness.  I know that  my son needs to ask for help, but I thought there is nothing like a mothers's prayer.  Why do my prayers hit the ceiling?  Sometimes I think this is too much to bare, but then I feel selfish because he is baring so much more.      After school program 4:10 pm Well he is off to the after school program that he goes to 3 times a week wont be home until about 8:30 pm so I am off to take a nap.