well I am hiding out in my room so to speak. As soon as my darling son woke up he went the the xbox and I mean as soon as he started playing was freaking out screaming cursing pounding on floor. I was upstairs when it started so I went downstairs to try to calm him down. Well that took most of the focus of the game and I got the cursing and screaming at. I asked, begged and pleaded for him to turn it off he clearly was not having any fun. He would not even listed to what I was saying he would not be rational. In fact he was very irrational. I turned off TV he gets up and punches the wall a few times the picture falls and I hear the wall crumblying from inside. He is stomping and screaming and telling me it is my fault he is losing his game. I try to point out that he was having problems before I came down. As I said he is being irrational I should also point out he kept on throughing his xbox control and smashing on the ground. The importance of this is that He would normally never do that no matter how mad he got. He sits back down and turns the tv to continue you playing I see tears coming out on the sides of his eyes all while he is cursing and screaming. This causes me to break down. I dont know what to do for him Why was he ok in the hospital and now he is home it is starting again? How can my child be so rageful and at the same time crying. The turmoil he must be in breaks my heart. Why cant I just hold him and make it better like I use too. Why do my words fall on deaf ears when I use to teach this child everthing? which brings me to my last question Have I taught him somehow to be this way? is it my fault? Well I hope everybody has a good weekend I have to get up later to do the stupid paper route. I wish I could just sleep all day. Yes I am depressed. I try to tell myself to snap out of it. My my body aches so much I say fuck it and go lay down. Mainly because I dont want to be around someone who is being so miserable. heck I dont even want to be around me. ok i know I am being miserable too. I am such a downer. I am really feeling like crap that I have totally failed as a mom sometimes I just want to give up. but I dont even have contro over being able to do that because my son is all i have and I am too afraid I would go to hell. If I knew for a fact I would go to heaven that just might be a different story..
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Oh my Gosh!! Can i say, I know exactly how you feel?? This is just so hard sometimes! In just the few short days I\'ve \"known\" you, you\'ve helped me a great deal. You are wonderful and we all know you are a great mom. You would have to be SuperMom and WonderWoman all in one to be upbeat and positive all the time. I too, think of just giving up but Hell doesn\'t scare me as much as thinking of my son without me. Just curious, does your son have a rx for something like ativan or clonazepam to take as needed for especially hard times? Transitioning home is a hard time. My son is too small (under 50 lbs so they won\'t prescribe any for him). Hang in there sweetie!!
Thank you No I dont have anything like that to give him. They would probably have to give it to me in a syringe because when he gets like that there would be no way he would take anything. I would have to jab it in the leg and RUN LOL and wait for it to kick in. I am so glad I helped you. You have helped me too.