Well I fell asleep on my couch last night for reasons posted last night or was it early this morning.  I work up at 6 am and I know that this is taking its toll on me.  I am regretting waking my son up.  I wish I could just let him sleep. Where is the son I know He seems so lost I hope I can find him I miss him so much.  We use to have good time together.  When he was little I use to do this ittsy bittsy spider thing up his back over his head and ended it with "the end" with push of the nose I am telling you he would giggle every morning with that.  When he was grumpy I would pretend I was pulling what I called the grumpies out of his ear.  I would say oh he is another one lets get it.  Oh the giggles.   Now I dred the mornings.  I know as I sit here crying that I am depressed but hell wouldnt anyone be.  Ok I am getting myself together now I will make it through this day.  I will have positive thoughts oh hell this is hard I am battle weary.   Ok sorry I am such a downer today.  Hopefully I will come back with better news later. I hope you all have a good day.