i feel like total shit! it's not the anxiety and it's not the depression. I have just had enough with my parents and their addiction. We have had so much drama in the past because of all this. Even to the point of us being homeless. Life got better the addiction subsided for about 10 years. Then the past couple years it started up again. I finally broke last week. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to tell the rest of my family. I had to tell my uncle. I had to get this huge burden off of me. I had to get my parents the help that they need to live a normal life. i tried everything before. Talking, not talking, threats! nothing fucking worked. This was my last resort. I am no longer their "excuse crutch". I don't trust a word my parents say. If you can't trust your own parents who the fuck can you trust? My mom says she isn't mad at me for doing this. my dad doesn't really talk much, never really has. Our family has always had a huge communication problem. They are going to be going to out patient rehab. I think this will help them immensly. something needed to change. I know i did the right thing. I know that this would hurt them but they also needed to realize that their addiction is not only affecting them. It hurts everyone around them in many ways. Not to mention my huge concern for their health. I would like to see them see their kids grow up.... accomplish things, get married, have kids. There is so much to look forward to in the future, but they don't see it that way. I think also they are pissed because they have such an obligation to my uncle financially. That is why i need to finish school. i don't ever want to have to depend on anyone for anything. I am the only person i can depend on. I just want financial security in my life. Nevermind fancy cars and 10 bedroom houses. That's just not important to me. As much as it hurt me to "tattle" on them i did the right thing. i did the right thing for my sanitity, my family and my parents health. It's just not fair. It's not fair at all. Drugs mess with your mind, yes when you are oon them but it messes with the chemicals in your brain. causes so many side effects. Depression, selfishness... i just don't get it.... i don't have the addict mentality, i don't understand it and i don't think i ever will. How can you sacrafice your family, friends, relationships and finances for a chance to get high??? i don't understand!!!!! i have a huge lump in my throat right now. i feel like i'm going to vomit. I got off the phone with my dad and told him that he has an appoinment today at 3:00 at the rehab place, and he just sounded so depressed and cold towards me. i'm gonna vomit! .................... so now my plans of moving to fort. myers are not happening yet! damnit i just want to get the fuck out of here already! away from all this fucking drama! i'm not the parent! i'm 22 years old i'm supposed to be the kid! i've always been the parent and i'm sick of it! i'm ready to live my young life! i was supposed to move tomorrow.... now i have no idea when it will happen. As soon as my mom can come back to work i'm the hell out of here. until then i'm stuck........ god help me!
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