Anxiety
Overwhelmed with anxiety. Moving to Wisconsin from Calif was overwhelming but it is so wonderful to live close to my Mom and StepDad and get away from San Jose City and live out in the country. It's so beautiful but dang I will never get used to this cold weather and the shoveling that's involved and all the heavy clothes that are involved.
The job opportunities out here are pretty slim. It's either restaurant/bar, the Walmart, the Menards, gas stations or hospitals/medical centers. I would love to land my ass in one of the hospitals but I have absolutely no experience and/or education for what they need. I've applied to a college to be a medical coding specialist and it is a 2 year program. Fine, fine, fine. I'll start the summer semester.
I'm just sick to my stomach not working. I've always made sure I was financially secure and this insecurity is just making me sick to my stomach.
I am just drinking water and doing a puzzle and watching tv but not really concentrating on anything but to make a jump to WalMart and get some beer. I know I won't do it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I pretty much have already made up my mind that I won't.
I hate being this way. I really, really hate it. I hate myself for it. Since I've been out here I have not connected with AA. Perhaps that's my problem. Losing my sense of well being. Everybody drinks around here. That seems to be all they do. Bars and more bars. That's how people meet. I'll find a church nearby. Like there is such a thing as "nearby" around here.....
I don't know. Now I have a headache. I rarely get headaches.
Hot damn it is so cold today! My floor is cold it is so fricking cold. I got my fargo hat on to help me keep warm. Oh gawd what a freeze baby I am. I don't get how the people out here manage to live to their old ages.
I can't wait to just go to bed with my electric blanket.
The job opportunities out here are pretty slim. It's either restaurant/bar, the Walmart, the Menards, gas stations or hospitals/medical centers. I would love to land my ass in one of the hospitals but I have absolutely no experience and/or education for what they need. I've applied to a college to be a medical coding specialist and it is a 2 year program. Fine, fine, fine. I'll start the summer semester.
I'm just sick to my stomach not working. I've always made sure I was financially secure and this insecurity is just making me sick to my stomach.
I am just drinking water and doing a puzzle and watching tv but not really concentrating on anything but to make a jump to WalMart and get some beer. I know I won't do it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I pretty much have already made up my mind that I won't.
I hate being this way. I really, really hate it. I hate myself for it. Since I've been out here I have not connected with AA. Perhaps that's my problem. Losing my sense of well being. Everybody drinks around here. That seems to be all they do. Bars and more bars. That's how people meet. I'll find a church nearby. Like there is such a thing as "nearby" around here.....
I don't know. Now I have a headache. I rarely get headaches.
Hot damn it is so cold today! My floor is cold it is so fricking cold. I got my fargo hat on to help me keep warm. Oh gawd what a freeze baby I am. I don't get how the people out here manage to live to their old ages.
I can't wait to just go to bed with my electric blanket.
Replies
whoohoo beer is out buy cranapple juice and it is going to be cold in WI so the electric blankie is great....puzzle girl...AA is there try an alanon meeting too...those in bars are the quality of common drunks who aren\'t recovering...stay good human you R HUGS BILL
Thanks you two. EverChanging: You are spot-on when you say I am heading towards a relapse. I recognize the thinking/conversations in my head. Right now I am just distracting myself with doing dishes and creating a menu for dinner: Flounder with an eggwash batter, creamy Rice a Roni with parmesan & Romano cheese, and collard greens. Sounds good to me.
But thank you both. I\'ll keep my head on straight today. One day at a time, indeed.
Katie
Oh, Katie, your meal sounds delicious! I love Rice a Roni!! LOL
Ya know, you have a wonderful sense of humor, intelligent, etc, etc. Sounds like you\'ve got a lot to offer a room full of alkies!! I don\'t know why I fought going back to AA for so long, but I\'m so grateful to be a member again. Wishing you lots of warmth!! Spring will eventually come. lol
Well sending you some warm texas hugs - it\'s cold here (well cold for me but much warmer than there) if you were in AA before, yes, it\'s best to find that connection out there too. In reality many places are drinking communities many times the ones that don\'t drink notice it way more because they don\'t drink. i am sorry about the job market but that too is an issue everywhere - i will send positive thoughts and prayers for you and for you to work on that stinking thinking.
Peace!