:>(

...well, it's now official...I am on "probation" @ work...even tho my times on the phone have improved--gone down fr. 17 min to 8.9 mins./call--my scores are still too low for the team metrics...ea. call is only supposed to be 7.5 mins., start to finish. So, I had to sign a paper, to promise to improve.  My supervisor was as uncomfortable as I "pretended" not to be, on Friday.   Frankly, I felt sorry for us, both.  So much for hard work paying off.  Damn.  Crap.   When I first started having problems w/this position, I even tried to get into the mindset of a certain kind of zen:  because I was having so many problems adjusting, I tried to pretend that I was dead & that my working environment was a new kind of "heaven" & I could make it into anything that I wanted...that kept me from taking my work "home," but didn't do much for anything else. A friend of mine pointed out that maybe it's God's will:  maybe, she said, I was the only person some of my callers met all day, who didn't mind taking the time to just talk, while I tried to solve their customer issues...maybe, maybe not...I would hate to think it's God's will that I get fired from this place, tho.  God, the feeling of having to look for more new employment leaves me absolutely anemic...esp. in this time of bad economics...it's not like I'm going to plant the fall bulbs and find a gold nugget the size of a bowling ball, out in the flower bed, to tide my future over, y'know...and, I'm not getting any younger! Again, I've applied for other jobs, but heard nothing back.  But, I am just going to keep this fr. my parents, fr. now on...they are depressed enough about themselves and each other...no sense adding to the general atmosphere...I just feel so alone, though...and, I keep wondering:  was there something else I should've done, fr. the beginning?