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...well, it's now official...I am on "probation" @ work...even tho my times on the phone have improved--gone down fr. 17 min to 8.9 mins./call--my scores are still too low for the team metrics...ea. call is only supposed to be 7.5 mins., start to finish. So, I had to sign a paper, to promise to improve. My supervisor was as uncomfortable as I "pretended" not to be, on Friday. Frankly, I felt sorry for us, both. So much for hard work paying off. Damn. Crap. When I first started having problems w/this position, I even tried to get into the mindset of a certain kind of zen: because I was having so many problems adjusting, I tried to pretend that I was dead & that my working environment was a new kind of "heaven" & I could make it into anything that I wanted...that kept me from taking my work "home," but didn't do much for anything else. A friend of mine pointed out that maybe it's God's will: maybe, she said, I was the only person some of my callers met all day, who didn't mind taking the time to just talk, while I tried to solve their customer issues...maybe, maybe not...I would hate to think it's God's will that I get fired from this place, tho. God, the feeling of having to look for more new employment leaves me absolutely anemic...esp. in this time of bad economics...it's not like I'm going to plant the fall bulbs and find a gold nugget the size of a bowling ball, out in the flower bed, to tide my future over, y'know...and, I'm not getting any younger! Again, I've applied for other jobs, but heard nothing back. But, I am just going to keep this fr. my parents, fr. now on...they are depressed enough about themselves and each other...no sense adding to the general atmosphere...I just feel so alone, though...and, I keep wondering: was there something else I should've done, fr. the beginning?
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\"Probation\".... our firm call them Performance development track. Usually we don\'t fire people. We just feel that the person require more training. You\'ve improved so much over the last while. You\'ve just about cut to 1/2 of what you\'ve took. I think it kind of like a diet. First a few pound easy to shed but rest are more difficult. Determination is important. If you want this job to work then you will need what it takes. It\'s cost firm to train people. So they would rather make this work for you too. It will work. How long were they put you on the probation?
You must feel like living in the glass house. You are so fragile. You feel you are trapped. I know how you feel about feeling alone. When I lived at home (my old country) I told myself only cry inside my body and smile outside in front of my family. It wasn\'t dis -functional home in the way that people know. It just everyone will keep it to themselves and not sharing any part of emotion. It did not know how disfunctional until I went home after seeing my husband family... who talks about everything and argue but so much love. I asked friend of mine, why things get more complicated as we age. She said we just know more about it and we complicate things.
Know that you are not alone. We are all here for you.
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