Could be the 8" of snow that fell, yesterday, but I was feeling hemmed-in and suffocated...which is odd for me...I usu. don't get claustophobic, unless I'm in the car, in a busy lane (of course!), or crammed into a public place w/lots of overcrowding strangers...but, I had it bad, yesterday...I was feeling down.My boss had asked me if I had past work examples that I could bring into work, so that we could all have a look-see--just in case similar projects came our way, so that one of us might know how to set them up, in CAD. I went through many dusty piles and found all of the stuff I'd squirreled away from my last job...and, something else...some writings I'd done about 10 to 12 years, ago--all quasi-romantic fiction--that I'd put down, just to blow off stress and escape "everything." They were written on the backs of unused vendor information, badly-printed soil logs, old maps, my "jammings" from the printer, when it was mis-behaving...Thing is, I snorted when I first saw them...but, then, you know how it is...you start to read...Two hours later, I realized what time it was...and that I had really enjoyed myself...I used to be such a "focused" writer (how "good" is anyone's guess...); but, I also realized that I hadn't had that concentration in many years...think I 've "lost" it by being so responsible, feeling for everyone else...I'm not sure, now, that that was an advancement, in my own case, but, I look around at my situation...what else could have been done? I'd be more miserable, if everyone else I love was feeling even more neglected, than they might be feeling, now...yeah, I know, I'm channeling Jane Austen's, "Persuasion." Thank God my family isn't as priggish as the one in that novel--they didn't have any real problems, except themselves!I got to wondering, though...could I ever get that level of focus, back?Wayne Dwyer says it's possible...drive never disappears...it just becomes dormant, according to one's situation...well, maybe. I'd like to have that ability back, again, when I need to escape and re-charge...I felt so refreshed after re-reading that old stuff...been pondering it, ever since...On the strange side, I dreamt I was trapped in a bus, post WWII, w/a bunch of refugees, looking for a place to camp. The forest was overrun with "germ warfare" victims, all turned pale and mad and cannibal, chasing the bus, alongside the road. In the meantime--when we were to have found a place to camp--I was assigned the task of milking "porcelain" cows (your guess is as good as mine!)...I was worried because I'd never milked a cow, before...all the while, there's music in the background...Billy Idol's, "Eyes Without A Face." What was that all about?
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