update
This morning my wife pressured me to finish the divorce papers and I told her she had to decide which half she wanted to give to me, then she came all unglued. For some reason she felt that everything belonged to her and that I would just hand over everything to her.
She immediately called her lawyer and has an appointment with him sometimes this week. She was told to come without me due to a conflict of interest. I told her that if I was lucky enough to be awarded the house, she was welcomed to stay as long as she wanted to. For some reason she believes everything is hers because I havent worked at a regular job in 4 years, although I make ends meet with what little I make on ebay.
She has been crying all morning because she says I hurt her feelings by the things I say to her. Cried going to work and said she hopes she dies cause she can't tolerate feeling so bad.
She said she wanted to marry her bf in the worst way, she even took my name off her ira and put her bf's name on it. I think her lawyer told her to do it.
I suggested she stay home because she was an emotional wreck but she said she had to work because she had to find a place to stay but I told her she was more then welcome to stay here.
I felt so bad for her that I told her she could take everything, then after I said it, I realized she may be trying to manipulate me with feelings of guilt.
I am numb, sad, depressed, alone, I don't know what to do.
I offered my wife counseling again today. Either a marriage counselor or any kind of counselor and again she refused so I kinda feel that there is little more that I can do.
I am heartsick.
She immediately called her lawyer and has an appointment with him sometimes this week. She was told to come without me due to a conflict of interest. I told her that if I was lucky enough to be awarded the house, she was welcomed to stay as long as she wanted to. For some reason she believes everything is hers because I havent worked at a regular job in 4 years, although I make ends meet with what little I make on ebay.
She has been crying all morning because she says I hurt her feelings by the things I say to her. Cried going to work and said she hopes she dies cause she can't tolerate feeling so bad.
She said she wanted to marry her bf in the worst way, she even took my name off her ira and put her bf's name on it. I think her lawyer told her to do it.
I suggested she stay home because she was an emotional wreck but she said she had to work because she had to find a place to stay but I told her she was more then welcome to stay here.
I felt so bad for her that I told her she could take everything, then after I said it, I realized she may be trying to manipulate me with feelings of guilt.
I am numb, sad, depressed, alone, I don't know what to do.
I offered my wife counseling again today. Either a marriage counselor or any kind of counselor and again she refused so I kinda feel that there is little more that I can do.
I am heartsick.
Replies
Oh Bob, this hurts me too, cause I know what it is like to go through a divorce! I know it is hard. She has no right to take everything from you cause it is yours too. Please use music to get through this! Sometimes the man gets nothing and it is not fair at all. You are a very kind, nice, man and she is the one who is losing out!
(((Hugs))) Bob.
It sounds like you\'re in the thick of things - really difficult - my heart goes out to you.
All I can say is try to keep things as fair as possible. Try to stress fairness with your ex. No one should lose all in this.
Don\'t agree to anything at this point - too much emotion involved. Try to just say that you know you can both work it out eventually - which you can. It\'s just too much to process/handle all at once like this. I know how it feels - like your head is spinning, you feel sick to your stomach, and it saps all your energy too. Trust that it will pass with some time - just try to stay patient with yourself and if possible your stbxw too.
Since she is already talking with a lawyer I think you will have to also. Try to stay calm and just deal with one thing at a time. If you need more time to figure out something just communicate that.
Wish you better days ahead!
I feel sad for you.xo. I know this place that you are in.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Take care of yourself. You deserve 1/2 at least, no matter what. She is crying over what YOU say to her? After what she has done to you? Be careful my friend. I hope she is not setting you up. I pray for your sake that everything works out. I think in her state of mind, things are beyond counseling. I hope and pray that you have a strong support network. Stay safe! Stay strong! Stay sober! Hugs!- Yvette
You\'ve been more than kind to her. You must be more than kind to yourself now. Really liked what Arem said and all your friends have good advice. Take care of yourself, eat, take deep beaths, go walk, close your eyes and just think, stretch,make yourself take showers daily, try to stay in at least some contact with at least two friends a week. Nurse yourself back. You\'re headed to a better place.
I have been reading your journals but have not commented so far. But I totally disagree with the comment you made - \"I am numb, sad, depressed, alone\" You may be sad and depressed but not Dumb! If anything your fault is you are too nice! This is time to protect yourself so as suggested by a previous friend get a lawyer. Let the lawyers sort it out.
Hugs Bob!
I went through a divorce a little over a year ago. I know it is so hard and like you my husband had a gf. I\'m sorry and all I can say is hang in there, eventually it gets better. Let the lawyers fight it out and I hope everything is at least split 50/50. Make sure you have a good attorney, my daughter works for a divorce attorney and it is amazing how people once so much in love can turn into enemies and one always feel they deserve everything.
Do something fun, read a funny book, watch a funny show, get out and do something.
I can\'t believe all the great advice I\'ve been reading. You will not always feel this bad.. that\'s all I can say. You\'ve got some good support here. I love this site and how everyone is there for each other.
You keep that GUITAR!!!! I have no insight, nothing to offer, but ((((((hugs))))))))
Brendy, I honestly think that my wife wants both of us but for different reasons.
Arem, she hasn\'t seen her lawyer yet and I hope she doesn\'t Lawyers are expensive.
Madame it sucks, you\'re right!
Kahlua, her bf harps on her to go to conneticut to be with him and he will take care of her, but she doesn\'t like to travel alone, and she doesn\'t want to leave her job. TY for your prayers.
Monte that sounds like the perfect prescription for me. Thanks!
Thankyou Joyce but I don\'t think I can afford a lawyer. She hasn\'t seen hers yet so we\'ll see. I am inclined to let her have whatever she wants at this point. I hate confrontations.
Hi Katrinka, I cannot afford a lawyer at this point. But thanks for the advice.
Lucy, I love this site also, you people are what\'s keeping me alive.
Nora, she cannot play the guitar so I am sure she has no interest in it. Nora, just being here is more support then you can imagine! Thanks!
Well Bob, if she is making it difficult then it is going to be costly and a judge is going to have to decide what to do.
The house, your bank accounts, her IRA - all of it are divulged in court and technically split up in a fair way.
Even though she put her bf name as beneficiary on the IRA/401K it will only go to him when she dies. Right now it is part of your marital assets.
I\'ve been at this divorce/post divorce thing much longer then necessary. My latest attorney told me to stop getting emotional about it and think of it as a business deal gone bad. It\'s the best piece of advice I have gotten.
IF you want to make this easier for both of you, find a mediator attorney who will sit with both of you and discuss splitting of assets. I would of have doe that in the beginning, but Ex is to stupid to understand how that would work, even after I did a print out for him explaining it all out.
He wanted to leave, he wanted at least half of everything, even things I possessed before I met him. He made it go to trial and he still isn\'t happy with what the judge decided, so we are back in court, yet again... DO NOT let it get to that point.
If it goes to court, the court could technically say that she has to give you alimony since she is the bread winner and she is the one who wants out of the marriage. She is opening up a can of toxic costly worms, and for what?
Oh and in the beginning when the Ex told me he wanted the big TV, I got the chain saw held it up to the tv and asked him which half he wanted...I told him I wasn\'t going to sit around and divvy up bullshit items.
Glad I did that, because the court ended up awarding him very little from the house. Just his clothes and his computer.
msviv its funny you mentioned the tv. I heard her talking on the phone to her bf describing the tv to him. She is thinking about taking that too!
Nobody seems to win in a divorce settlement I guess. We all lose except the lawyers. :(
Protect yourself. I hope everything is in both of your names and that your state is a 50/50 state. I have heard stories from my daughter, like a woman married for 25 yrs he was the one who wanted the divorce had numerous affairs. When it came time for the divorce he had put the house in his mothers name many years ago. She said yes house was her\'s and his wife got very little. I agree do not sign or agree to anything.