Why

I don't know why I keep doing this to myself.  I really do hate him and I really do hate what he is doing to me.  I keep going over in my head that he choose them over me by not stopping calling them and he knew how much it hurt me and he continued anyway.  I don't care if it is an addiction he should have wanted me enough to get help.  He tells me he loves me but he choose his activity over me.  It hurts so much to think of that and it angers me to think of that. I just want it to stop.  And then the other day I was looking at him and for the first time in a long time I loved him.  This usually happens when he is not around because usually when he is in my face I hate him.  The sadness is usually when he is not around and I do too much thinking. but I was just looking at him and kept thinking why, why can't he love me more then his desire to talk to other women.  Why can't he change.  Why, Why, Why.