I was actually feeling much better today and feeling that I could start to move on.  Then I took my daughter to a tea party at the local library and there was a woman there who had a belly just popping out and it hurt so bad.  All the memories came rushing back.  I kept thinking that I should be almost 16 weeks now and waiting for those first movements.  Its so weird...I can see a huge pregnant woman and feel sad, but not devestated.  As soon as I see a woman who is where I would be right now I crumble.  I suppose as time goes on the big pregnant woman will bother me as much too.  I just wish so bad I had my baby back.