Tired
Do you ever get tired? Not so much physically tired, but mentally too? Lately I just feel exhausted, emotionally, physically and mentally.
Getting up for work is a struggle, being happy around my friends is harder and harder to keep up. The worst part is staying happy around my fiancé. We're to be married next October (2014) and I do love her so much, but there is just so much to do, so much money to save, yet so little money to save it from.
I work 9 hrs a day (like most), but I don't get anything from it...for at least the next 18 months I'm in debt, this debt has been with me for the past 7 years and it really is slowly crushing me. I need to devote so much money to keeping it being paid off, that I don't have any for myself, or for my 2 year old Daughter. Now I can afford food, it's toys though, surprises, nice things...not the essentials I know. It's been so long though since I really, really enjoyed myself doing something that I'm scared my enjoyment has gone away for good.
My friends are all away right now, on a big trip to America for a few weeks, it's gotten to the point that they don't even ask me to go to these things anymore as they know I will say I can't afford it.
I'm 30 years old and meant to be in the prime of my life...why do I then feel like I'm bent backed, struggling to keep going?
I haven't self harmed in around 4 years now...but I want to, oh god do I want to...just for a release, to feel that, even for a moment, I'm driving out all other fears and worries from my mind.
I've not cried in a few years either, but it's there, just under the surface waiting for my guard to drop. I've come close at work, just sitting at my desk.
I just don't know what to do anymore...I'm so tired. :(
Getting up for work is a struggle, being happy around my friends is harder and harder to keep up. The worst part is staying happy around my fiancé. We're to be married next October (2014) and I do love her so much, but there is just so much to do, so much money to save, yet so little money to save it from.
I work 9 hrs a day (like most), but I don't get anything from it...for at least the next 18 months I'm in debt, this debt has been with me for the past 7 years and it really is slowly crushing me. I need to devote so much money to keeping it being paid off, that I don't have any for myself, or for my 2 year old Daughter. Now I can afford food, it's toys though, surprises, nice things...not the essentials I know. It's been so long though since I really, really enjoyed myself doing something that I'm scared my enjoyment has gone away for good.
My friends are all away right now, on a big trip to America for a few weeks, it's gotten to the point that they don't even ask me to go to these things anymore as they know I will say I can't afford it.
I'm 30 years old and meant to be in the prime of my life...why do I then feel like I'm bent backed, struggling to keep going?
I haven't self harmed in around 4 years now...but I want to, oh god do I want to...just for a release, to feel that, even for a moment, I'm driving out all other fears and worries from my mind.
I've not cried in a few years either, but it's there, just under the surface waiting for my guard to drop. I've come close at work, just sitting at my desk.
I just don't know what to do anymore...I'm so tired. :(
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