Went out tonight. Didnt get anywhere with the ladies, never expected to.  Just wanted a good night. Danced with one lass who was just out for a laugh.  I enjoyed, that, hopefully she enjoyed dancing with me as well. There was one lass who danced with me though, who I stopped dancing with. She kept pointing at me and laughing while looking at her friends, when I asked her what she was doing she said she was taking the piss out of me.  I kinda stopped enjoying myself after that. I also made one massive mistake. Was going to tell a good friend of mine what I was going through, show him my scars, try explain myself.  I ended up showing someone else my scars as well as the guy I wanted to. The other person I would never, ever have thought about showing things to. There have only been a few occasions I wish I could go back in time, two have happened very recently. I hate to think how work is going to be now. The guy I was going to show told me to shut the fuck up or he was going to kick the shit out of me  :( I want to cut myself tonight....no room left on my arm though so no cutting now. If there was a big button on my body that said end it all...I woulda pressed it already :(.