6 months...

Its been 6 months since I walked away from my 20+ year marriage...time seems to have flown by but yet it seems so long ago too. I have done a lot of healing in that time. It feels good to no longer have to walk on eggshells not knowing when the next fit of rage is going to be. Its great not to have to listen to somebody calling me names and putting me down every day of life just for no other reason then to be miserable. My time is my own, I get to be me and I haven't been that in such a long time.  Most days are good but every now and then something will happen that will set me on a downward spiral..it usually only lasts a few days and then I am able to pick myself back up an move forward again. I spend a lot of time alone and when I do have one of those not so good days it is usually because I had too much time to think. I still cry every day, usually at night when I am laying alone in my bed. I cry for all the hopes and dreams that are gone, for all the years I wasted being miserable, for the things my children had to indure because I was to weak to leave when they were young children.  I cry because I get lonely, I miss having somebody wrap their arms around me, somebody to talk to, to watch TV with, just to be with. I cry for the man I fell in love with many years ago, the man I had always hoped he would be again, but that man disappear many years ago. I feel sad for him that he doesn't get to see our grand daughter growing up because he chose to move away. I have not seen him since the day I left. I wish him well in life and I hope someday he will find that happiness he deserves that he couldn't find with me. We were both miserable and I had to do what I did to give us both a chance at happiness. I don't hate him and I never will...he will always have a place in my heart. I could never go back to living that way again...I know sometimes I say I think I may have made a mistake by leaving but I know in my heart I did the right thing. My only regret is that I didn't leave sooner.  I have grown so much since that time. I am no longer that person I was back then, I could never go back to having somebody treat me that way. I know now I am better then all those terrible things he drilled into my head for so many years. I will never ever allow another man to make me feel that way. I would sooner be alone the rest of my life then to have another man treat me with such little respect. Life is good now and even though I still cry every day for what should have been and I do get lonely, I am at peace with my decision. I really am happy.....I know I did the right thing!!