6 months

  Been a tough day today, I can't believe it's been 6 mo. since i held, hugged ....her. i miss her. my counsler called in again today so i need to reschedule that, not sure if that was a good or bad thing today, thoughts and feelings so jumbled today.This is the first time the "30th" has bothered me but, most of the time i don't know what day of the week or the mo. it is unless there's an appt. so if the appt triggered it , maybe.....   I remember when she was born the dr. told me to quit pushing he was cleaning her face and i swear my body just did not listen and pushed, just a little. The Dr. had just finished cleaning her face and turned to set the sucker thing down when he turned back there she was! he barely caught her, I swear to you she did a flip-that's how i knew she was a girl-her little butt went up and over. This is at 2:47 am Fri., at, oh sometime in middle of nite Fri. nite I get woke up by this awful wailing loudest crying baby I have ever heard, and all i can think is "I feel sorry for that kids parents!". You guessed it, it was my Suzette, sweetest, loudest baby i ever knew, and that's what made her my Suzette, She never knew how to go about things in a quite way, everything was loud and urgent, so sweet hugging you right before latching on to your shoulder till she almost drew blood. AS a infant she waould pull her hair to keep awake, after head surgery and hair shaved she would poke her eye to wake up, she pretty much never needed as much sleep as me, i am a 8 hr girl-her about 6 hrs from age 3- 13, we had a rough start getting used to each other, but it allowed us to be close, it;s what made us us. Her counsler used to say we argued like sisters instead of mother daughter, don't get me wrong, i was always the mother but apparently i liked to argue also, so many memories jumping from age to age She was the perfect daughter for me and i want her back.