OK, GOING TO FREAKIN' BAWL AND LOSE IT AND NO, I HAVE NO "REAL" REASON per se.Please advise as how to deal with this.....I was holding Joshua and sitting on the couch with one leg under me but when I stood, my foot caught on the couch and I fell while holding him. NOW I FELL ON MY BACK and being automatic, I tucked my entire body around him so my back took the full force....he wasn't hurt and still slept thru it all. HOWEVER, now I feel soooo irresponsible and I am worried his mom will think I'm terrible and not trust me to care for him and she is talking about returning to work and I really really really want to be the one she can rely on for Joshua. I mean, I am not asking to raise him, per se, but her mother, well, let's just not say anything except she isn't a sitting option. How do I deal with the guilt and how do I assure her I would be a good, safe, etc. place to leave Joshua????? I also worry, is this a sign that I am going to start staggering again and falling and maybe not be capable/worthy to watch Joshua?? You get my drift peeps? AND ON TOP OF ALL THIS....Found out my daughter's sister is preg with 4th kid and she just gave temp custody of the 3 kids (1 age 3yrs and twins 18mos) to grandmother as her mother passed away. SO SHE'S PARTYING, DRINKING AND DOING GOD KNOWS WHAT AND KNOWS SHE'S PREGNANT! I mean dear God! I can't stand it! I know "technically" she's nothing related to me but her mother was my friend, her sister is my daughter and it always kills me to see kids suffer. I want to take all 3 kids and just raise them myself but she is being selfish in that she doesn't want to give them up but will let someone temp custody them while she partys. Best of both worlds. FURTHER, now a 4th??? Dear God! What if it's twins again? My heart is breaking watching my daughter hurt cause her sister is being so stooooopid and selfish and knowing her neice & nephews are in temp custody and now a 4th???? It bothers her knowing how she is acting knowing what she is doing to herself as well as to the baby she is carrying! So, this is what is going on. Plus in 2 wks time we replaced the big living room window, stove, washer & dryer as everything DIED at once. OH MY GOODNESS! It's all this plus the finance strain we are in between meds and the appliances, etc. See....I just need lots of chocolate & coffee???? I don't even want to paint/draw just crawl off and hide somewhere until all the appliances are paid for and somehow the meds are all free. I figured the cost of my meds and if I am NOT approved for the programs I will have a cost of $360. and the Dr. is wanting to put me on another med to off-set the side effect that the MIRAPEX is causing and I MUST STAY ON MIRAPEX as it is the first thing that has given me mobility with least amount of side effects. OK, that's all......ROFLOL.....like that ain't enough?? ROFLOL ROFLOL ROFLOL Ok, that laffing is not the insane kind (breathe people) it's the kind you get from overload and the insanity of the reality you live in. ROFLOL You all understand.....that last little brain cell packed his bag and said "BUH BYE, back later." ROFLOLLove & major hugs to all......
Replies
I\'m sure your daughter in law knows that you are the only candidate to watch Joshua, the first thing you can do is what my daughter told me, PUT THAT BABY DOWN, hold him and play with him when he\'s awake but don\'t sleep with him on you, my daughter got so mad at me because i spoiled my grandson and he wouldnt sleep unless he was on me! Now when I watch Brooke who is 4 months old she sleeps next to me and i wait for her to wake up and grab her and squeeze her, if i hold her all the time it feels like someone broke both my arms. As far as the pregnant girl goes I\'ve got you beat on that one because my 18 year old daughter sent me an email and she is a mess and she is my child, she said she is addicted to meth and that she is in a gang and goes out at night stealing cars and the cops almost caught her! Can you imagine getting an email like that! I don\'t know where she lives, I\'ve been sick for 2 days. She was talking about rehab and said she needed her birth certificate so i emailed back that I have it and she can have it anytime she needs it. I don\'t know what happened with her, my other 4 are fine? every bone in my body aches from the stress and helplessness.
i\'m very, very sad and trying to smile, hugs to you my friend, adelle
Hon, chill.....you sat on your foot and it went to sleep......you cushioned the babe and no harm came to him....end of story!! Your D in law wld be an idiot to let one accident blind her to the diamond she has in you, and your offer of help. I just cant believe she\'d be so stupid! The rest, hey, its LIFE and a large measure of spiritual warfare. I think too, that the new drug has put you in touch with depession. This I\'m sure is new to you as you are use to being so upbeat.....but it too will run its course. I\'m just so thankful to hear you vent it all. Will continue to love on you and pray (a lot)
Hugs/c
Yes, like adelle, you may want to watch yourself and make sure your not over doing it holding Joshua too much, but also like Carol it was an accident and no harm done to the baby, so all is well. There are times when we are vunerable and we let issues overwhelm us that we just need to let go of and put in Gods hands. You can pray for these children to be watched over and get the help they need, but it is not a burden to lie on your shoulders to bear. I definately can relate to everything seeming to go wrong at once and having this big financial burden because of it. That\'s why we need to stay with the present and take each issue as it comes, and not allow ourselves to worry about the future, but keep the faith that somehow it will all work itself out in time. Remember the Footsteps in the sand and it is the times like these that the Lord Jesus is carrying us, and remember to turn to him and he\'ll be there. Hang in there and take it each moment as it comes. Take care of you. ((HUGS)) Teresa
it\'s one of THOSE days here...psst> I can\'t remember if i already wrote you, so pllllleeeeese forgive me..
I started it out, then ph rang here at work, then I did something else....ya know? But take a chill pill. Xanax is wonderful...hmmm I swear I wrote you, so must be a hug or was meant to be there?!!! Kids...they WILL grow up...we did...we lived thru those awful teen yrs...Just PUT GOOD IN AND GOOD WILL COME OUT! Keep saying it over & over. My life story is amost the same as what your going thru...except my own daughters and they BOTH have given back to me & hubby 10 x\'s more now...I didn\'t think they would. In fact I almost gave up. But, so glad I didn\'t. They will come thru, one day for you too. It\'s the IN BETWEEN that KILLS us...We should take from the Band, \"BLOOD SWEAT & TEARS\" and paste it on our foreheads!Like which one today? Or ALL three?
My advice......you hurt MORE because of the stress YOU are putting YOURSELF thru...(they are out having a blast) And do not give in to the guilt!!!!!!! If they don\'t know you enough by now, that you would NEVER harm a child or put them harms way...ya know? QUIT HURTING yourself...be strong. Tomorrow will bring a diff new challenge anyway! Just relax and rest up and maybe get the bugs for under the bed!
Love ya,
Kristi
sounds to me like you protected him from the fall, and he was not hurt.
I fell holding my daughter when she was a baby, I menouvered it so I did not fall on her and she did not get hurt. From what u described I would trust you with a baby, you would rather get hurt than have the baby get hurt. Chin up guilt will just keep eating at you, and wait til they can hold it over your head for an expensive toy :O
Morgaine
When Simone was born I was in a full blown flare, and my arms went numb, and baby just dropped...and I was the mother! It can happen to anyone...The real question is should you be the baby\'s full time babysitter or should you look at more options, back up, Mom staying home and working part -time? If you take this all on, you are denying your child the chance to grow up and be a real Mom. Sometimes we want to help too much, and we stunt our kids growth into adulthood in the process. I am sure you would make a fabulous grama-mama, but is that really what God wants or are you letting your kids get away from their responsibility. When my first son was born (I was 21), I opted to not go back to work, because I knew he needed me. We lived on $8000 that year..I made all his clothes and his baby food, it was tough but we managed because we loved him sooo much! The next year I took in a couple of kids, doing daycare so I could continue to stay home, I did that till after my second child was born, then went to part time midnights so I would have more time with my 2, then 3, then 4, then 5 little ones...They never knew they had a working mom, (hardly). Because I needed a babysitter 1 day for 3 hours a week, the rest of the time it was Daddy time, and he became a better daddy because of caring for them early on..
Just my thoughts,
Nanette
Don\'t worry...this was a learning experience. Set rules for yourself. Like not standing up while holding him. For his safety. His mother knows you love that baby and would not hurt him for anything. So don\'t be so hard on yourself. Don\'t feel guilty either. When jasmine was 2 I was pushing cans into the cabinet and one popped out the other side and fell and hit her in the head. I cried longer than she did. I sat on the couch and bawled my eyes out. All the while she is playing and running around. Just love him that\'s the important thing.
I hae a cousin that popped out a baby every year for 5 yrs. Living on the gov and partying the whole time. I am surprised the kids weren\'t addicted to something when they were born. The kids lived here and there for years. Then something happened and she grew up. Got them all back and she does take care of them. Not that i like the way she does it, but at least they have their mom. So I know where you are coming from. I want to take in all these kids I see living in a bad environment. But I am only one person with FM no less. If I could save them all I would. But I look up and am reassured. So I do what I can for them like hand me downs and any extras go to them. And I pray that God touches her heart and she grows into a better Mom each day. Just like we all have. Good Luck and Know that I am rooting for you. With God on your side there is no loosing. So I will pray this girl realizes the error in her ways, that God touches her in a way that will open her eyes to see what is really important. Lots of Love and Hugs sent your way, my friend. You are always in my prayers.
Thanks to each & all of you. I guess we all have the days when we hate not having our \"old\" bodies & abilities. Dang but don\'t it show up at the oddest times? ROFLOL Thanks again for the ideas and support. Know I adore and send each of you my love & hugs.....also, won\'t fall on you either. ROFLOL