Me

I'm going to try to post in my journal....I tend to ramble on.  I'm a 48 year old female, married to the most wonderful man in the world 4 years ago.  I became disabled almost 2 years ago from FMS, RA, OA,anxiety and depression.  Our world has changed considerably from my loss of income.  We've lost a truck and our boat and had to sign our land over to my mother-in-law because she mortgaged her house to purchase this land and we've been making the mortgage payment.   Since I lost my job as a Human Resource Professional, my mind has been in a whirl wind.  I feel so useless.  I used to hunt with my husband, work in the yard alot and hike.  Now,  I can't stand the cold to hunt, can't work in the yard and sure can't hike.  Going to the mailbox is a chore.  The constant pain is so tiresome.  My husband hurt his knee last year and has been through one surgery and is still in constant pain, so he knows even more now what my life is like.  He was out of work on worker's comp for almost 7 months.   Thankfully, my doc has found a good mix of medicines to controll my depression and anxiety.  I was to the point I couldn't leave the house and the telephone ringing caused a panic attack.  That's all better, I can go to the doctor and Walmart by myself, but I don't venture out much more than that.  Fortunately, we live miles from anyone else and I have 3 dogs that are my best friends.  They love me no matter what.   Five years ago I wouldn't take anything but vitamins...now I'm on a long list of drugs....but I have no choice.  I had to make the decision that if it took the drugs to lead a semi-normal life, then I would take them.   I get alot of criticism for taking so much but have developed the attitude that no one can criticize me until they've lived in my body for a while.  Fortunately, my husband and step- children are very supportive.   Okay, I've rambled on enough.  I"ll try to keep this journal current, but in the fibro-fog that I live in I tend to "forget" things for a few days.