Its not easy and i dont know if it ever will be. some day are easier than others, but i can live now. i can have fun, i know my eating disorder is there but if i know that then i can keep it at bay. I have eaten three healthy meals a day for other 3 months now, and i am proud of that, i dont ever want to go back. i have snacks sometimes if i am hungry and have stopped sticking to safe foods all the time. i have chocolate and crisps and things people enjoy, i struggle with feeling guilty after i eat them but i eat them anyway because then i know my eating disorder isnt winning. i didnt know if it was possible for me to come this far, but i have and it gives me hope that i can go further still. i have a desire to live now, and i do, i dont want to my life to be centred around food weight etc i want to have fun and think about more important things and i have learnt to do that now, theres much more to learn but i know i can. Even though there are bad days i can be happy now.