Hey!I havent been here for ages and i miss it so much. We still dont have internet at our flat, although we should soon. I have continued having 3 healthy meals a day, it has been nine weeks now i think (since 1st septemeber). I have had some days easier than others. Some days i have managed to go through the day and eat my three meals and think nothing more of it and other days all i have wanted to do is pack it all in and miss meals, but i know if i miss one i am on a slippery slop. When i first began this journey i found it extremely difficult and then it did get a little easier, but now at the moment i am finding it very hard again. i am trying to figure out why this is and i cant totally although i do have a few clues, such as my mum came and stayed for a few days and i guess maybe that bought some of the issues that there are at home to my flat and so that could have subconsciously had an effect, also my mum brought food ith her that i dont buy for myself, and we were going out to dinner etc, so i felt i was eating a lot and now i guess i feel it got me out of control and that i should make up for eating unhealthy foods by not eating etc.  I also have a lot going on at the moment that is making me quite stressed and busy so that could be havign n effect too. I seem to have lost the feelings that kept me going in those early difficult days in september and i so desperately need to get those feelings back so that i can carry on fighting. i feel so weak, but i dont want to go back, all i want to do is be healthy and live life without being continuously haunted by my eating disorder. i am not really sure what to do right now. it is making me feel so awful. any suggestions would be very welcomed.  xoxox