I decided to add an entry, being I haven't entered one yet. I like others with CFS have my ups and downs emotionally, however I no longer have too many emotionally bad days, because I no longer permit this disease to rule my thoughts, feelings, and or any reactions to it's major difficulties. This took me many years to accomplish and I am ever so Grateful for this Wonderful Grace, that I have been blessed to receive.
After dealing with CFS for 20+ years, I decided to apply basic Spiritual Principals to life with illness and after practice, practice, and more practice, it is apparent to my Soul I am completely Free of this disease within my True Self, which goes beyond the body/mind way of conditioned thinking I was raised to do. It is quite simple to do this, however I like most of us have been raised and conditioned to believe otherwise.
Actually I have learned out of Suffering comes Freedom, if we are willing to walk through the fear and watch it disappear. By practicing remaining in the Present only, I have learned to embrace life without resistance. The resistance is what was making me misurable all along. Once I embraced the truth of the body's condition, only then could I move forward to embracing Grace as well. The Grace comes from within and frees me of mental meanderings into despair. Again, I still have difficult days, weeks, months with severe symptoms... They no longer have control of my reaction to them. I can see the so-called Silver Lining in this Dark cloud and appreciate the entirely new state it has taught me to embrace with love.
I continue to practice, so I may share this Wonder with all I may meet here and elsewhere, just by sharing who "I AM" which were the words of a Great Being....
After dealing with CFS for 20+ years, I decided to apply basic Spiritual Principals to life with illness and after practice, practice, and more practice, it is apparent to my Soul I am completely Free of this disease within my True Self, which goes beyond the body/mind way of conditioned thinking I was raised to do. It is quite simple to do this, however I like most of us have been raised and conditioned to believe otherwise.
Actually I have learned out of Suffering comes Freedom, if we are willing to walk through the fear and watch it disappear. By practicing remaining in the Present only, I have learned to embrace life without resistance. The resistance is what was making me misurable all along. Once I embraced the truth of the body's condition, only then could I move forward to embracing Grace as well. The Grace comes from within and frees me of mental meanderings into despair. Again, I still have difficult days, weeks, months with severe symptoms... They no longer have control of my reaction to them. I can see the so-called Silver Lining in this Dark cloud and appreciate the entirely new state it has taught me to embrace with love.
I continue to practice, so I may share this Wonder with all I may meet here and elsewhere, just by sharing who "I AM" which were the words of a Great Being....
Replies
Wonderful journal, very inspiring.I sincerely admire your achievements and can only hope that one day I can become more transcendental to my conditioned mind and bodily concepts and be more able to maintain more awareness of my true self, the conscious living entity full of eternality, knowledge and bliss.The I residing in this temporary physical body.The original me.However, I am not doing such a great job at this for I see myself being continually dominated by the suffering of this body.When I can\'t move off my bed to shower my body and am continually restricted by this body, I start to feel like an almost dead body and quickly lose sight of my real self amidst my tears of pain.Might sound a bit negative, but what I\'m trying to say is, it is not an easy process.Still I agree and recognize what you are saying and it is very important to have this realization.We are not the body , nor our mind.We are eternal conscious living entities having a human experience.And yes, I believe our suffering is designed to bring about spiritual realizations.Of course there are many different beliefs and so many spiritual paths.Practicing being here and now in the present is something I would like to develop more.I am wounded by my past and it is pointless to travel back there in my mind.Sometimes though my present is painful and I allow my mind to reexperience joyful memories of the past.To feel that emotion again and redevelop faith that I can have that joy again in my here and now or my tomorrow.Still above and beyond everything I believe there is an unlimited God, the origin of all, the cause of all causes.One thing I am sure of is that I am not in control.I have more potential but I am not in control.I have no control over my death for a start.Anyway just for a start, I would like to learn to control my emotions and find joy somehow despite this debilitating illness.Thankyou for sharing your knowledge I am grateful.
I am having difficult days presently with being able to function at bare minimum and dragging my body to fix myself a meal or even to get on line and type. If I maintain mindful self-care, I won\'t fall into despair. No, we don\'t have control over how the body performs, however we have the option as to how to act or respond to the bodily limitations. If I keep choosing self-nurturing and living care BS not identify with what my chaotic mind thinks, I get through these difficult periods without severe despair. I feel a bit flustered due to lack of support and just let these feelings come and go without dwelling in them and consistently making room for God\'s Grace within. Yes, I am human and the ripples of disappointment do surface, but that is it, ripples on the surface of a lake. I am the entire lake, and the ripples don\'t run deep, for they are mere surface level. I am weary and perhaps not writing very well right now.
I will get out of bed soon and attempt having the Best day I can while continuing to care for myself in a loving gentle manner.
Dear Falconwings ~ I can see from reading your journal entry here that you\'re going to be an inspiration in my life ~ as you already are to Aussie Di who\'s a friend of mine. I\'m finally practicing mindfulness skills to live in the present and cope realistically with my body\'s limitations rather than getting lost in my emotional dramas and distress about this CFS illness (and breast cancer too that you\'re coping with) ~ which is so seriously debilitating for us.
It\'s easy for me to feel sorry for myself as I\'m struggling to get the energy for a shower after I\'ve exhausted myself fixing a meal ~ friends who don\'t have this illness can\'t comprehend how fixing a meal requires a nap afterwards ~ that I may go days before I can manage to shower.
I have not been an especially spiritual person before now. It\'s challenging coping with this illness now that I\'m mostly housebound ~ I only leave my apartment one afternoon a week. My life prior to this was all about going out to be with people (since I live alone) and working or doing volunteer work. Redefining myself and my life ~ that I have worth and value without doing volunteer work in the community is very challenging. I felt my life had value if I was doing things for others. I see now that I don\'t see the value as much in doing things for myself. It\'s a huge practice for me to show the same care and compassion for myself that I do for others.
I admire and in some ways envy that many get a lot of comfort from their spiritual beliefs but I never seemed to fit in. Even here on DS, there are many who are very thankful for the help they get from Jesus Christ ~ but I was raised Jewish so I\'ve never been able to participate and receive support from the many Christian churches here in the U.S. (I know Di is in Australia). I\'ve been active in the past with the Jewish and Unitarian congregations in the area where I live, but was turned off by the political aspects of the organizations or gossip among the women. I think I\'m too idealistic and don\'t have the tolerance for normal disagreements when managing an organization ~ which a church or synagogue is.
If you read my profile, you\'ll see that I\'ve always felt I was an odd duck. So it\'s wonderful to meet you and Aussie Di so hopefully we can share some reflections on our spiritual journey as we\'re elevating ourselves above the distress of this disease and how our body feels ~ to share kindness, compassion and hopefully joy at times as we have (I love how you said this) \" the Best day I can while continuing to care for myself in a loving gentle manner.\" That\'s a wonderful attitude of self care that I wish I had cultivated long ago (I probably wouldn\'t have gotten this sick) ~ but better late than never! ;~)