So today is the 30th day of May.  This makes it 6 months since Tom died.  I didn't even realize the date.  Seems like I don't even know what the date of any day is.  I get up in the mornings & have to think what I did the previous day so I can like remember what day of the week it is.  I knew the 6 month was coming, but I actually just noticed on my computer that today is the 30th.  So do I feel any better than I did 6 months ago.  Of course I do. Some days better than others.   Do I still cry?  Of course I do.  Do I miss my husband? Definitely.  I hate this feeling of being alone.  I hate knowing that I am going to go ahead with our plan to build our retirement home but that now it will only be me.  I was actually thinking this morbid thought earlier today that I am afraid when I die, I will be alone.  I will be in my house alone.  Probably days could go by before anyone knew I was dead.  I don't want to be alone.  I worry about my dog dying.  she is 15 years old now.  She is really all I have now.  I don't know what I will do without her.  I can only hope my dog will be with me for a long time yet.  Guess I am just down in the dumps, as usual.  Was at the cemetery yesterday & that of course was very sad as always & just brought be down, again.  I often wonder if I will ever be happy again.  Or will I just survive.   Just sort of live each day but not really care about what happens.  Do what needs done, go through the motions but no feelings are there.  Oh its hard to explain.  I just hope someday I will be happy again.  Or at least  somewhat happy.