Great day
Today I returned to my happy place. I woke up before the alarm went up and was actually smiling when I woke up. I knew today I was going back to work which has always been my happy place. I was able to escape the realities of home life and focus on something normal because home definitely wasn't normal by anyone's standards. Work is my extended family. I've also been chatting with a widower and he's managed to continually put a smile on my face. I know I'll still have some ups and downs but boy did today feel good.
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I\'m so enjoying spring with the warmer temps and the sun. Puts a smile on my face and a spring in my step. I\'m actually stepping a little out of my comfort zone tonight and I\'m going out with a widower. We have mutual friends and we\'re both looking for companionship and friendship so to me its no pressure. He lost his wife 2 years ago and me almost 4 months ago. I\'m taking baby steps forward and getting my toes wet as I go. Have to start somewhere right? I\'m not looking for permanent and neither is he. Sounds like a great place to start.
Is it wrong that at this time in my life I\'m actually happy that my husband isn\'t around? Let me explain. For the last year of his life he was an amputee who never really had the strength to go far with his prosthesis so he spent quite a bit of time in a wheelchair. Last Wednesday afternoon I fell at work and have a pretty nasty fracture of my left wrist requiring surgery next Tuesday. There is no way I could have lifted his wheelchair in and out of the car for his weekly paracentesis and any other appointments. I miss him but at least he doesn\'t have to feel like a burden. Knowing how he thought, he really would have believed that.
I\'ve been extremely busy with work even with a fractured wrist. We have lots to do for Easter. I\'m very happy to be able to work for the wonderful people that I do. Its made my life have meaning. I\'m too busy to dwell on negative thoughts. I sleep well at night. Of course one reason for that is prescription painkillers at night. I look at my accident as a little speed bum[ in the road of life put there by God so I\'d slow down. It has slowed me down but it hasn\'t stopped me. I\'m frustrated because of what I can\'t do but I\'m working on that.
I\'ve gone out a couple times. It was my understanding the gentleman was looking for friendship only which was fine with me. I\'ve come to the conclusion that he\'s thinking otherwise. I wanted baby steps into the social scene not this.
Thank you for letting me vent. I\'m moving forward at my speed. I know when I\'m ready if God wants me to have another relationship it will happen.
Today I thought back to life when I first met my husband. It was the 27th anniversary of our first date. Oh the happy memories I relived. God shared in my memories as He gave us and evening like our first one. I could picture my late husband out on the front porch enjoying the lightening show. Such a spectacular display of natures fireworks. This could have been a sad moment but I chose to believe instead that Rick was out there on that porch beside me watching the light show. I\'m truly moving forward but feel his presence every day. When I came out of surgery and the nerve block wore off my arm the other night I prayed for Rick to come help me get through the pain. I know he was there with me. It comforted me and allowed me to get to sleep, in his chair. I was enveloped by his loving arms as I nestled myself into that recliner. It was the only place I found comfort. I\'ve spent quite a bit of time there these last few days because that\'s the one place I can get comfortable. I\'m finding that my life has moved on in a way that Rick would like. His wish was for me to be happy. He wanted me to continue on my life and find someone to help make me happy. I\'ve taken baby steps in that direction. I\'ve met some new friends, made some enemies but life goes on. In the end, the enemies, people who have treated me badly, will answer to a higher authority. I hope they can live with themselves until then. I also hope that no one gets hurt in the process. I had people looking out for me. Thank you Rick for being there.