10:44 amLast night my son told his dad that he doesn't want to be in Aunt Chelseas wedding. He says that he feels like he is too old to be the ring bearer. I agree with him. Then my ex told him that they need him to do it because no one else is able to do it. My son is such a kind hearted child that he said, well, if you really need me to do it, I will. He is such a sweet child.Last night he woke me up one time in the middle of the night just to tell me that he loves me. I feel so bad about the crappy life that he has. I had a wonderful childhood. With two parents that loved each other very much. And now my own son is not going to get to experience that. I am scared that it will overflow into his relationships when he gets older. I really don't know what to do to help him. I learned about relationships through example of my parents. Which, I have to say, my parents, although they may not have a perfect relationship, they are a prime example of a loving giving marriage. I watched my dad take care of my mom and make sure she is happy, my whole life. And I watched my mother take care of my father, cook him dinner, do his laundry, always lots of hugs and kisses and laughs. That is what I always wanted for my marriage. I believe that is what I was doing also. I know that I wasn't the perfect wife, but I was a good wife. I always put my ex before myself. But what did he see growing up to base relationships off? A dad that beat his mom. His mother and father living totally seperate lives. They didn't and still don't sleep in the same bed. Then when everything was totally falling apart, they have a child to try and save the marriage. So my ex has an 9 year old brother and a 7 1/2 year old son. Pretty different. The last time that I had a nice deep conversation with my ex he said that he just wished that his parents would get a divorce. Pretty nice to want that, huh? Even now, I think it would kill me if my parents got a divorce. Why would someone wish that upon another? I do still really love my ex. I miss him so much, but the weird thing is that I have gotten past the dispair part of this. I have realized that my life isn't over because we aren't together. I know that I still have a future. I would like for it to be with my ex, but if it isn't, that is ok with me too. God has wonderful things planned for my life, whether it is to reconcile with my ex, or be with my ideal cookie (Eric, you know who I am talking about.), or a new night in shining armor. No matter what, I know it is a most wonderful plan for my life. Better than any plan that I would have set.Here are a couple verses that help me remember these things.“I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) "And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28 NIV)