7:30 amSo here's the low down on last night. Before I was getting ready to leave to meet my ex, he called and said he really wanted to come over, so, in order to not start a fight, I agreed, even though I didn't want that. So we orderd pizza and watched The Fantastic 4. It wasn't a bad time. But then when it came time for bed that was the hard part. I told him that it was time for our son to go to bed. It was 9:45 pm. I said if he wanted to play with him a little before he goes to sleep, he can do that in his room. So I went to my bed and he went to our son's room. He kept saying to our son that he needed to leave soon so I was hoping that he would put our son in bed shortly and leave. I had fallen asleep and they were laughing so loud it woke me, it was 11:30 by now. I said Wes really needs to go to bed now, can you please put him to bed. He said yes and I went back to bed. They woke me again at 12:30 and I was really upset by now, because our son really needed to get to sleep. He said he was going to put him to sleep but this happened again at 1:30. It was 2:00 by the time he finally put him to bed. At 3:00 it was finally very quiet. I went into my son's room because I never heard my ex leave, and he was sleeping in his bed with him. Thankfully he never came to ask if he could climb in my bed. I don't know if I could be with him again because of the infidelity. I want to be with him again, but I don't know if I have the power to forgive him. The thought of him sleeping with other women and going on dates with other women, which, I guess there were alot of other women, makes my stomache turn. The type of man that he has turned into is that the man that I married, that was the man that I fell in love with. I do still love him, but I don't know if it is enough to be together again. Anyway, when I finally woke this morning, I went into our son's room and he was still sleeping there in the single bed with our 7 year old son. I asked him if he wanted to go sleep in my bed for more space and he said no. That is ok, was trying to be nice. Our son was hanging halfway off the bed, it just didn't look comfortable. What I am trying to get at here though is that this is what my ex does. He has no responsibilites. All week he never contacted our son, He did what ever he wanted all week for himself, while I had to take care of our son by myself. Then he comes and keeps our son up till late hours playing. He never has to worry about getting him up for school, or making him do his homework, or giving him a shower. It is all play time for him. Will that ever change? The other day I said something to him about his priorities and I think I hit a nerve. He didn't even say anything back, he was silent. I told him that maybe once he matures his priorities will line up right. And that will probably be when he decides that he does want to be with me. But I am not going to be around for that. I am already starting to move on. He says he loves me and misses me, but he still wants to have his free life and live the party life. When he matures, and who knows when that might be, he will want to try and make things work. But I am not going to be there anymore. Oh well, at least I will be happy in anything I do.
Replies
He sounds very immature. I never had this stage where I had no responsibilities for my kids and could just play... but I did love playing as well. Here\'s the deal with infidelity... Because my wife had (is having) an affair and I\'ve given this a lot of thought. The only way I could take her back is if she was able to convince me how she has genuinely changed, not because she misses me and not because she has guilt, but because she has logically considered it the right thing to do. At that point, I\'d be able to \'start over\' with her. The only way I\'d be able to get past the past is to start fresh, a \'do over\'. Neither of us will be able to hold onto the resentment from the old/dead relationship we had.
I think setting some boundaries with him might help. I think based on last night, maybe it\'s not a good idea for him to come over any more.
Wow, I can\'t imagine what you are going through but I know God can so I will keep you and your son (and your ex husband b/c it says to pray for those who wrong us) in my prayers. God bless you! Love and prayers, Gayla
Relationships get so complicated when it comes to the children that come from them. Your son needs his dad, you don\'t. It is great that he is there to play with him but your role as a mom and more importantly as a parent is much more important. Kids have too many friends these days & not enough parents. It sounds like you still have feelings for your ex, I agree w/macjohn about boundaries. You have certain rules in place for your son & he needs to respect that. Maybe you should have days set up in advance for when he can come over & see your son.
You are doing a great job as a mom. Your son needs you to give him discipline. I hope you are able to sort out your feelings for your ex. In my own experience I have found out that people never change who they really are no matter how much we want them to.
xxx Allison
I\'m sorry that you are having to go through this. A situation like this just happened to my brother and his ex wife. take a breath and ask for stregth and discernment. Don\'t think with your heart...pray for answers. If you need to talk there are people out here willing to listen.