8:25 amLast night was the first night that I had a good discussion with my 7 year old son about what has been going on the last year. It started by him talking about how if we went back in time and did things then it would effect the present and the future. Then he said that if he could go back in time he was change that he broke my lamp when he was 4. I thought that was interesting because he never even got in trouble for doing that. He was trying to move it, rearrange his bedroom and it fell and broke. I didn't really mind, it wasn't broken that bad. But for some reason this is something that has been hounding him since then. I told him that I forgive him for that and he doesn't need to feel bad about it anymore. I told him that if I could go back in time to change the future I would go back and make things right between me and dad. He told me that dad told him the same thing last week. That he would be nicer to us and not hurt me. Then I started crying because I never wanted my son to have this kind of life. I feel horrible that he is living with these problems already at such a young age. I asked him what I could do to make his life better so he could be happy and he said that he just wished we could be normal again. I asked him what he thought normal was and he started crying and said that he wished dad would be there when he woke up to play wiwth him in the morning. He was so sad and he was really crying bad. He said that he wished that we could be a regular family again. Now this is stuff that is coming from my 7 year old. It was very deep yet very childish. He understands more than we give him credit. He told me that he wants so badly for dad to come home and be a family with us again. Then we started talking about the times when he would climb in bed with us in the morning and we would lay there for an hour just playing and talking and doing zooberts. He cried while we talked about it. He wants us to be able to do those things again. So we ended the conversation by praying for dad that he might come back home to be with us and then it was time for bed and we went to sleep. I didn't sleep much at all. When I woke up, my eyes were so puffy. They still are. You can tell that I cried all night long. So I once again did not get a good nights rest and had a hard time getting out of bed when the alarm went off.