11:05 amI just went for a drive. I guess that is a benefit of being my own boss and having everyone else do the work. I feel like I need some time to just be myself and not worry about what I do or say and how that will effect my ex. I heard a song while I was driving and it said " If you could stop the world, then you could stop my love for you. There is nothing you could do or say that could make me love you any less." I feel the total opposite. I feel like the more I find out about my ex, the less ia want to love him. I am also tired of feeling that I have to work at getting his love. It should not be that way. I deserve better. I deserve someone who will love me for me. Not for what I say or do or look like. Not what I do for the other person. I went shopping for my ex for a birthday present yesterday and I wanted to buy him the whole store. Not because I hope it will bring him back to me, but because I love him and want to give him gifts, but when they are not accepted so freely, then it is a waste of money and time and emotion for me. I don't really have any stable people in my life right now. Just my son, my parents, my sister and her husband and children. And in a few weeks my sister and her family are moving to the middle east. There goes half of my stable people. I guess I am feeling really alone right now and just wish that I had someone that would love me. At times I feel that my ex loves me, but that just makes it harder to get over this. My cousin told me that it took her 4 years to get over her divorce. That it was a grieving process. That scared me. Is it going to take me that long to get over this. She didn't see him on a regular basis. In fact, she didn't see him at all after the separation. So how am I going to do this when I see my ex almost everyday? Or talk on the phone with him everyday? Even though I have gone through this already over a year, I feel like I haven't made any progress.