10:35 am

Last night I was over at my old house, which is my husband house now. He lives there with his sister. It was really strange. It was almost like I never even lived there. Not from me, but from my husband, his sister, and their parents. I am the one who found the house, we purchased it together. I lived there for over 5 years with my husband and 6 months on my own, before I moved out and he moved back in. I was a guest in my own house. When I left I balled like a baby. It was not ever supposed to be that way. Not only was it hard to be there as a guest, but I didn't even really feel like I was welcome. Plus, I kept thinking about how he had another women in that house, in the bed we used to share. Doing the things that only I am supposed to be doing.

My husband called this morning and I didn't get the phone, on purpose. He left a message saying that he was glad that we were able to come over and that we could all have fun. I did have fun, but he doesn't really know what I was thinking or feeling. I guess I can hide my emotions pretty good. the only reason that I went was to see how he would act with me there, and much to my disappointment, he hardly paid attention to me at all. He casually talked to me and rarely even looked at me. I felt invisible. His mother, sister, and dad paid more attention to me. Even his sister's boyfriend seemed more interested in me than he.

I do have to admit though, there was a lot of laughing going on. That is one thing that happens when we all get togeter. We do know how to have fun together. There were alot of inside jokes, going on, plus some new things. So that was fun, but it makes it that much harder for me to know that I am not really a part of that anymore. I am more like someone that is looking in from the outside. Looking into my old life and the way it is supposed to be now. It was never supposed to be like this.

My husband had said last week that he wants us to be friends and then see where it goes from there, but I have just been so hurt and I feel unappreciated right now, that I don't know where I will be when that time comes. Will I be able to move past all this?