10:30 am6 days until the death of my marriage. I guess my marriage has been dead for the last year, but now it is going to be official. I wish that time would just stop and that day would never come. I am so scared. Yesterday, a man from the 4th judicial office called me to tell me that the judge has emergency surgery schedule for the day of our divorce so he wanted to push it forward to 11:15 instead of 3:15. I was really hoping that he was going to say that my husband decided not to do the divorce and we were cancelling the divorce all together. It was so disappointing to hear that they were actually going to be pushing it up a few hours. I am still praying for reconcilliation before then. I have this fantasy that my husband is going to change miraculously and when we are sitting in the judges chambers he says that he doesn't want to divorce and wants to stay married. I really don't think that could ever happen. Sometimes I feel so childish that I have these dreams. They are not realistic at all. I have been praying differently though. I know that my husband has free will and can only make the decision on his own to change, but I also believe that God can still do things to my husband, like influence him. So I have been praying that God will make him think of me continuously. Non-stop thoughts about me and the good times we have. I have been praying that God will put me in his mind from the minute that he wakes to the moment he goes to sleep. I also pray that God will give him dreams of me. I hope that this influence will help him to make a decision and committ. I don't know if this is coincidence, but last night my husband called me at 11:20 pm when he was leaving his band practice, just to talk to me and see how I was doing. I think God put me in his mind. And then he called this morning, but I didn't get the phone. My husband told me yesterday that he wants us to be friends, best friends and then he wants to see where that leads us. I asked him why he wants a friendship with me so badly, but not a romantic relationship and he finally admitted that he wants me in his life still and he doesn't know why. He just does. He also tells me that he loves me still. I know that he is struggling with the enemy and that is why he is continuing with the divorce. But he still loves me and that is why he still wants me to be in his life. I asked him if it is just because of our son. And he said no, it is because me.I guess I need patience and just to let God guide my life. But that is so hard when you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I really appreciate all your prayers and support during this very difficult time in my life.