9:27 pmLast night my husband came over with the intentions of spending the night. He had our son all day on Saturday and when they came over, our son said that dad was going to spend the night. I guess he had told him that he would be there to tuck him into bed and when he got up in the morning. My husband did initially stay, but at 2 am he got up and said he needed to go home. I told him that I didn't want him to leave and told him how I feel, I think that he was even having second thoughts himself, because he did lay back down for a while, but then he got up and I walked him to the door. We stood outside for about 20 minutes hugging and talking. I told him once again what I hope for us, and he said that he is not the one for me. He may not have been the one for me before we got married, but when we got married, that changed. He is the one for me. We made a covenant before God and family and friends to be husband and wife till we die. And not matter how our feelings have changed, that covenant never changed. I also believe that even though we will be divorce on October 4th, that still won't change. I have always viewed marriage as sacred and not a legal thing. I told him that he is the one for me (I didn't go into detail of why I believe that, because he doesn't view marriage the same way I do.) He said that I only think that because I haven't seen otherwise. I wonder if he said that meaning that I just haven't met the right guy for me yet or what. I have to admit that we are not compatable at all. I am a very strong Christian and he is very much against Christianity. And from these world views, our lifestyles are very different. He sees nothing as right or wrong. I see that there is an absolute truth, including what is right and wrong. He does not believe in marriage, I do. We have been bonded together in ways other than physical. At least I feel that bond. Although he has had extramarital affairs, and has had a physical bond with other women (I just found these things out 2 weeks ago) we still have a spiritual bond that was created the day we were married. I just don't know what to do with myself. Do I continue waiting for him, believing that God will heal our marriage, or do I begin to heal and fall out of love with him so that I can move on and learn to love someone else. I don't want to be single for the rest of my life and right now things are looking grim. It isn't that I haven't had the opportunity to date other men, it is the fact that I am always going to be my husbands wife. Can I ever break that bond? Has he already broken that bond? Today at church, I wept like I haven't wept in such a long time. The dispair of the divorce has returned and the heartache and burden of my husbands salvation has resurfaced. All my friends tell me that I need to just focus on my son and myself. But that is so hard to do when my heart belongs to my husband and not myself. I keep thinking that I could love someone else. There is a man that I know that for some reason, when we make eye contact, it is like a surge of energy goes pulsing through my body. I know for a fact that this man is interested. And at one point I was very interested in him, but then all the feelings for my husband came back. There was the main thing that was a probalem in this situation. I am still married. And he is a leader at my church. So we backed way off, but I can still feel the same connection that was there when we first met. So why are things so difficult for me right now. I don't want the divorce, because of the vow I made, but I know that once the divorce is final, I have a chance to one day have the marriage with a God fearing man that I have always wanted. Someone please give me some insight on this.